lyrics that didn’t age well
Bump N’ Grind by R. Kelly (1993)
“My mind’s tellin’ me no, but my body, my body’s tellin’ me yes
Baby, I don’t wanna hurt nobody
But there is something that I must confess (to you). I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind”
my reaction: The song should’ve stopped after “My mind is tellin’ me no”. “R” you should’ve listened to your mind and not your body (your body meaning your penis”). You probably would’ve had a better life, instead your behind bars. Then you say, “I don’t wanna hurt nobody”. Huh? I’ve never had to say, “I don’t wanna hurt you” during foreplay. Finally he goes on to say, “I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind”. I guess there’s nothing wrong with a “little bump”. A “little bump” never hurt anyone, unless that “bump” was on your genital. The “grind” part though? Ouch.. that sounds like it would hurt. Grinding is not good. I don’t think a girl has ever said, “grind it in there” when having s*x. These lyrics don’t age well. Your not R. (Our) Kelly anymore.
TGIF
I loved Fridays growing up. Still do. We used to watch TGIF which means Thank God It’s Friday every week in the 1990s. Nowadays people say “Thank God it’s Friday” because it’s the last day of the work week. It’s the weekend. Time to party. But what if you lost your job on Friday? Would you still be thanking God? What if you broke a leg on Friday? What if Friday was the worst day of your life? Would you be thanking God still? No, you would be thanking the Devil. It would be “TDIF” which of course means “Thank Devil it’s Friday!”
no guac
A lot of people say money won’t change them no matter what. I disagree. Money changes you. It would change me. You ever find $20 on the ground and act like your rich. I have. I’ll be like “dinner on me… I got you a burrito at Qdoba… with all the fixings….get anything you want… well…except guac… no guacamole tho… I didn’t find $50 you money grabbing blood sucking gold digger!”
free samps
I love going to Ice Cream shops because they give out free samples of ice cream. I’m pretty sure we all know what ice cream tastes like. I would be pissed off if I was ice cream scooper. All these gd free loaders trying to get a free scoop like they never tasted vanilla before. Get outta here. You know what chocolate tastes like. Your familiar with sweets. All these dumbfounded customers acting like they never seen ice cream before trying to get a free scoop. It’s the only place you can get free samples. They ain’t handing out free burgers samples at Wendys, free weed from your dealer, or free n*pples at the strip club.
fry guy
I love the French Fry Guy at Fast Food restaurants. Who is the French Fry Guy? He is that guy who orders his food to go at a fast food restaurant such as Burger King and has to eat a French fry before he walks out the door. He gets his order from the cashier, immediately dips his dirty hand in his bag, and shovels that greasy fry in his mouth. This guy needs one fry before he is out the door. He has to get that crunch in before he leaves.
the frizz
If there was one cartoon character I wished was real it would be Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus. She is a true woman. If she had a magical school bus she must’ve have had something else that was magical. Shoot. Dealing with all those kids. She had to be a freak. Her last name was “Frizzle”. I would love to drizzle on Ms. Frizzle. I think I just love older women. Trust me I used to watch a lot of Golden Girls.
war on sweat
Why do deodorant companies not want you to sweat? Sweating is good. It releases toxins. You know what else releases toxins? Pooping and peeing but no company is making anti flatulence pills. Would you want to constipate yourself?
pulling back the curtains
Craig Smith was selected in the 2nd round of the 2006 draft by the Minnesota Timberwolves with the 36th overall pick. He played power forward for Los Angeles Clippers and Portland Trailblazers. In 2013, he went on to play for the Hong Kong Bulls. If you can’t play for the real Bulls go to Hong Kong. He was the NBL China scoring champion. After that he went to the NBA D League and played for the Sioux Falls Skyforce. His name sounds like it’s fake.
doogie howser moment
If your alive you should be thanking God about other days, not just Friday. Thank God for free ice cream samples you don’t need. Thank God for French fries that you shovel down your throat. Thank God you can afford guac at Qdoba. Thank God for sweating after eating all that food because you’re releasing toxins. Thank God for Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus. Actually, thank the devil for all those things. Sometimes I don’t feel like writing but honestly, “my mind was telling me no but my body, my body was telling me yes”.