Meijer intro
Meijer is an American supercenter in the Midwest. I made fun of it previously in a blog and have decided to do it again. Here’s why.
the “inspirational” photo
As soon as you walk in the store you see a picture of the store manager. Why do stores insist on doing this? If I was the store manager at a supercenter I wouldn’t want anyone to know. I’m trying to keep a low profile. I don’t want customers hunting me down if they have a complaint. I don’t want people from High School to see what I’ve done with my life. Also I don’t think a picture of the store manager is inspiring the cashier at Meijer’s to get a promotion. They are not like, “One day… that’s going to be my picture on that wall.”
the revolutionary lane
Meijer has a self checkout lane but instead of the standard 10 items or less lane they have a 12 items or less lane. I guess customers just couldn’t keep it under 10 items, so one of the corporate big wigs said, “Hey….. what about 12 items or less?”. Minds were blown and he probably got a huge promotion. Soon it will be 15 items or less, then 20 items or less, and finally 50 items or less. We love consuming. It’s a great marketing strategy. Why go to Wal Mart who has an old outdated 10 items or less lane when you go to Meijer’s who has revolutionized the self checkout lane with 12 items or less.
tornado shelter
The bathroom in Meijer is also the Tornado Shelter. Im not sure how the bathroom is the safest place at Meijer. Plus how you are going to fit all those customers in the bathroom. There’s a lot of customers there who look like they don’t much effort in life. It would be my luck that I would be taking a huge crap during a Tornado and all of these people run into the bathroom to seek shelter. Then I can see them all running out of the bathroom saying , “I’d rather die than smell that.” If I was a customer that’s the last place I would want to be. Meijer may be a super center but there bathroom is a super dump. I’m not going to hide out in the bathroom during a Tornado. That place is disgusting. I’d rather just tough it out in the paper towel aisle.
memo: please read
The bathroom also had a sign that read Employees: Please wash your hands. It’s the most single effective way of preventing infection. It was the longest sign I’ve read directed for employees at a store. Usually, they just say Employees Must Wash Hands. Simple and direct. Nope, not this sign. I guess they don’t have meetings anymore. Instead, they just put out memos where ever management thinks all of their employees are and in this case it’s the bathroom.
unattended babies
I also loved the baby changing station sign in the bathroom they had. This sign said “Please Don’t Leave Baby Unattended“. I don’t want to know how many people have done this. How many guys are like, “F…. I left my baby in the bathroom again. I knew I was forgetting something.” Thank god for that sign or else the men’s bathroom at Miejers would be full of babies. You would open the bathroom door and babies would fall out. Just babies upon babies.
greeter
The last bathroom sign I saw said, “REPORT ANY CONCERNS TO THE GREETER”. What is the 85 year old greeter going to do about a clogged toliet? What’s the greeter going to do with all the sh*t stains over the toliet seat? Nothing because they won’t be able to hear you. That’s why they tell you to go the greeter. They can’t hear. Don’t report concerns to manager, supervisor, or custodian, you know someone who could do something. Instead, find the greeter because they’ll know what to do.
mace sale
They were selling mace guns for $49.99 but had a sale on them for half off. It was a little concerning that their was a sale on Mace guns. What is going on in this neighborhood that they have to put a ‘weapon’ on sale? It made me just a tad bit nervous. There should never be a sale on weapons. Imagine if guns were on sale for $19.99. You thought we had gun problem now.
pulling back the curtains
No player has worn #97 in the NBA.
doogie howser moment
I feel bad for making fun of this store but I shouldn’t because their self checkout lane is 12 items or less. That’s revolutionary. They are changing the super center game. Every sign that is in Meijer doesn’t need to be said but it’s really just instructions for employees/customers. Wash your hands. Don’t leave your baby. Bathroom is the tornado shelter. If you have a concern with the bathroom, tell a greeter or you can take matters in your own hands; buy a mace gun on sale and hunt down the person that peed on the toilet.