intro
We paid a repairman $99 to tell us our broken dishwasher works when in fact it doesn’t.
my reaction: He turned it on and off 5 times and said it worked. He actually tried to charge us $150 for running “diagnostics”. Diagnostics was him turning it on and off.
bowling for buddha
I’ve been cooking new recipes lately. I want to try new things. I came across a recipe to make a “Buddha Bowl”. A Buddha bowl is a bowl of rice and veggies. Isn’t naming a dish after a spiritual leader sacrilegious? The Buddha was a spiritual leader who founded Buddhism. Now the Buddha has been succumbed to a bowl that “woke” people eat to make themselves feel diverse. Anyways, I ended up butchering the dish. It looked like what came out of the Buddha, not what goes in the Buddha. I don’t think the Buddha would appreciate a dish named after him. It got me thinking why other foods aren’t named after spiritual leaders. Why isn’t there Jesus Fried Chicken? That sounds holy. I would eat some Jesus Fried Chicken with Mohammed mushroom bites and a side of Gandhi sauce.
just in the middle man
I’ve been trying to dig up past trauma so I can have a story. People love a good rag to riches story. I never had a horrible life in where I had to show inner strength and climb from the pits of society. I have to exaggerate my past to make it look like it was tough just so I can get some respect. I’ve never been shot at but I got my bike stolen once. I never sold drugs but I’ve done Tylenol a few times. I’ve never been fired from a job but I used to work at Noodles & Co. You can’t say life is rough when you work at Noodles & Co. I’ve been always just in the middle. There’s no story. People don’t respect that.
alc house
I remember in my 20s my roommates had beer posters, neon signs, and other beer memorabilia. Beer is the most socially acceptable drug. Our basement was an ode to beer. It was a shrine to beer. There was so much beer paraphernalia around such as coozies, bottle openers, and pint glasses. We had a beer pong table in our living room. Our house was designed to consume alcohol. We weren’t a trap house, we were an ‘alc’ house. That only works for beer. I couldn’t have a house dedicated to cocaine. I couldn’t have posters of cocaine on my walls or a glass table mirror on it in every room. I couldn’t have rolled up dollar bills all over the floor and credit cards to cut it up. My house would be a crack house.
audio deficiency
I’m so dumb that I can’t even read an audio book. It’s true. I have a hard time concentrating on listening to an audio book. I will listen to a whole chapter and be like what just happened? I have no idea what that chapter was about. I think it’s my undiagnosed ADHD. It could be a children’s audio book like Dr. Suess and I’ll have no clue of the arc of the story. Who is the cat in the hat? How many fish were there? One Fish Two Fish? How do you make Green Eggs and Ham? I have no clue.
may bee
I tried participating in No Mow May. No Mow May is where you don’t mow your lawn in the month of May so bees can pollinate. It’s supposed to promote biodiversity and a place for bees to pollinate. I decided to mow my lawn two weeks in May because I didn’t see one bee on our lawn. No bees are coming to our yard even though our grass had plenty of dandelions. It doesn’t make sense. Our grass is untreated. It’s organic too. You’d think bees would want our 100% organic grass but I guess they want pesticides. Oh well the earth’s loss.
doogie howser moment
I feel bad I mowed during May. I probably killed a lot of bees. I should’ve listened to an audio book on the importance of pollination. Maybe this is my traumatic event that I can come back from and have a “story”. I will vow to not mow in May again. My front yard will then look like a crack house person’s lawn. People in crack houses don’t mow their lawns. They participate in no mow month every month. Do you think people in crack houses make Buddha bowls? No, they make crack bowls.