something my gf tells me when I complain
go tell a tree
my reaction: My gf stated that if she does things that annoy me I should not tell her but instead I should tell a tree. There isn’t a tree big enough to tell all the things that I’m annoyed by. Yes, I’m being petty, but if you date someone for over a decade you’re going to be annoyed by the smallest things. I’m not talking to a tree, I’ll look like a lunatic.
multi task
Kids are getting real good at multi tasking at doing nothing. They can multi task things that require no effort and be good at it. They can watch a TV show, text, and play a video game at the same time. All of those things are mindless numb activities. They don’t add any value to a life. It’s so easy for them to multi task doing nothing. I think that would stress me out. I don’t want to multi task while I’m doing nothing. When I do nothing it’s my time to relax, not be doing three different things such as watch TV, play video games, and text. I want to do nothing, nothing, and more nothing.
squishy ball
I remember in middle school the boys in class would make a big deal if they crossed their legs. They would always act when they crossed thier legs it was crushing their balls. After 30 years of reflection I want to call them out on it. There is no way your balls were being crushed while you crossed your legs. Nobody was hung like a porn star in 7th grade. I cross my legs everyday and I’ve not once crushed my balls (and my balls are pretty big). I remember a kid named Daniel would always act if his balls were flattened by an iron if he crossed his legs. Sorry Daniel, that just isn’t true. You were lying unless you had swelled testicles and now I’m sorry for ever writing this.
sticky menu
I went to a restaurant that didn’t have paper menus. You had to use your phone to scan a QR code to access the menu. I don’t have a smartphone but the person who I was with did. The person whom I was with was my gf. I don’t think I’ll ever be hanging out with a person with another flip phone, if I did, we wouldn’t be able to eat there or we’d have to borrow someone’s phone to view the menu. We huddled around my gf’s phone to look at the menu. Call me old fashioned but I like a paper menu. I like holding it. It’s part of the experience. I like holding a sticky menu with ketchup stains and finger prints from the last person who held it. That’s part of the dining experience. You know it’s good food if the menu has been destroyed by their gross fingers.
vomit room
I was in a grocery store restroom when a guy came in disorientated saying he needed to puke. He then proceeded to vomit in the garbage can while me and another guy ran out the front door. The other bystander was literally right behind me pushing me out the door. Me and this guy got out as quick as possible. Whenever you go through a traumatic event with a stranger you instantly become friends. We talked about the event and how strange it was. He talked about how he hates going to this store because there is only one stall. I agreed with him. We eventually parted ways but we will always share this moment.
cold world
It’s been starting to get cold as winter is months away. Me and my gf haven’t turned on the heat in our house yet. It’s been getting down to the low 60s in our house. I’ve been waking up with a sore throat, my toes are numb, and I’ve almost gotten hypothermia. It’s not that bad but you get the point. We are trying to last until November to not turn on the heat. We have been turning on the oven to warm us up. I’ve even thought about inviting random strangers to heat up the house through their body heat. I’ve been staying very active in the house to stay warm. I’ll do jumping jacks before I go to bed. I’ll have the kids run laps. I’ll put on the toaster without any bread in it and use it to warm my hands. I’ve tried everything to not put the heat on.
doogie howser moment
Is anyone in the moment anymore? It’s rare to see people in the moment. I try to be in the moment but it’s hard if that moment is bad. If your balls are squished by your thighs from crossing your legs, that’s not a good moment. A guy puking at a grocery store is living in a bad moment. Maybe multi tasking a lot of nothing is a good thing. Nothing bad can happen by doing nothing. Live in the moment even if you’re cold in your home. It’s just a moment. You can always leave the house and get food from a restaurant with a sticky menu. Your fingers will be sticky for just a moment. Lastly, if you ever see me talking to a tree you’ll know why.