# 198 “igloo work”

a phrase people say about themselves that means nothing

I’m going to work on me

my reaction: I’ve heard people say, “I’m going to work on me” but not change a thing about themselves. They don’t go on a spiritual journey, take a class or meditate, they just do the thing they always do, nothing.

rat trap

The last couple of months my mom has had issues with squirrels running along the siding of her house. I’ve tried to do the humane thing by using rodent repelllent and cayenne pepper but that hasn’t worked. I think they’ve been using the cayenne to spice their acorns. Nothing has worked so I’m done being humane. I’m on phase 2 which is kill and destroy. I’m not about trapping them in a cage and then releasing it so it can come back in 2 weeks. I bought a rat trap to kill a squirrel. If it can kill a rat it can kill a squirrel I thought to myself. I set the rat trap with peanut butter and it went off within a hour but there was never a squirrel in the trap. My next step is to make a homemade poison. I’m going to kill these squirrels. Be prepared Chip N Dale.

teacher dumps

I will often visit a school for work and while I’m there I have to use the bathroom. I find it odd whenever I see a teacher use the bathroom. I know teachers need to use the bathroom but it’s wierd to me. I don’t like knowing that teachers take dumps. I also don’t like knowing that Doctors, Yoga instructors, or 5 Star Chefs take dumps at work too. I don’t mind if you work at Home Depot, Wal Mart, or an Auto Parts store and take dumps because that is expected. A teacher will tell students to behave, listen up, but then have the audacity to take a huge dump. It’s hypocritical to say the least. It’s disgusting. You’re out giving C’s and D’s to students while I should give you a F for Flush.

ah the forest

I’m bringing back incense. I want incense to be cool again. It sounds like I’m saying incest which is not cool. I don’t want incest to be cool. Everyone is hyped up on candles these days. Candles are all the rage now. Candles are also way overpriced. You can find local handmade candles for $20. That’s ridicolous. I can buy 20 sticks of incense at the gas station for $3.00. I primarily burn my inscense in my bathroom. I’m currenlty burning a forest blend incense. I’ve turned my disgusting bathroom that’s riddled with pubes into an enchanted forest. It smells like I’m taking a dump in the woods. It’s nature therapy. It’s a great way to feel like you’re in the forest without worry from being attacked by a bear, bitten by a mosquito, or seeing sasquatch (altthough seeing big foot would be cool).

bigloo

After receiving our first snow storm of the year I decided to make a Igloo. I had no idea what I was doing. I actually YouTubed on how to build one. My son wanted me to build him one so I did. It ended up taking me 3 hours. I even got pissed when my gf had to go to work and I had to watch the kids because I wasn’t able to finish it until she got home. I was determined to finish this Igloo that my son wanted. As I was building it, it became less about him and more about me completing a personal goal. After all was said and done the Igloo was 8 feet tall. I needed a ladder to put on the finishing snow blocks. I was exhausted, tired, and in pain. My son was not amazed at all. He just said, “can you make me a snow cave now?”.

curt cutters

I gave my son his first haircut. Last time he got a haircut I took him to a place that cost $10 but I wasn’t satisfied so I took matters into my own hands. I don’t know how to cut hair. I just watched a few YouTube tutorials and then didn’t listen to anything they said. I didn’t even have a pair of shears. I cut his hair with dull clippers that I bought 10 years ago. It looks like I cut his hair during a tornado. It’s a good haircut if you didn’t pay money for it. It’s a horrible haircut if you paid $10 for it. All that matters is that my son liked it. He liked his haircut way more than the igloo I spent hours making.

doogie howser moment

In summary, the most influential, admirable, and successful people take the nasty dumps. I’m sure Gandhi and Mother Theresa had diarrhea. That’s a gross image to imagine. Let’s talk about squirrels instead. I want to catch the squirrels at my mom’s house and give them a bad haircut. I’m going to meditate in my igloo and burn incense to achieve nirvana. I think I need to work on myself.