a thing people say when they don’t want to give you specifics
it’s good…real good…everything is good…yeah…you know it’s good..
my reaction: If someone asks, “how are you?” please tell them exactly what’s going on. Give them the nitty gritty. Tell them something interesting. Don’t say, “It’s good…real good…everyone is good…we’re just ramping up…getting everything in place.” Stop with the general gab. Tell me about your stool movement, a family member that you don’t get along with, or the boss you hate. Give me the gossip not the general.
pale jail
I accidentally called a baby ‘pale’ in front of its parents. I’m not sure what the politically correct term for pale is so I just said pale. I apologized to the pale baby’s parents, and they didn’t seem to mind but I’m sure they did. The mother of the pale baby agreed so I guess she wasn’t offended. I felt bad for a few days after calling the baby pale. That’s a thought that should stay in my brain. It’s a thought that shouldn’t be verbalized no matter how pale the baby is. It could look like a ghost just don’t call the baby ‘pale’. The only thing you can call a baby is cute or advanced. So, I take back what I said about the baby. The baby is cute, advanced, and pale.
mom man
I honestly was expecting a gift for Mother’s Day but I didn’t get one. I thought since I’m a stay home dad for one day of the week I should get a Mother’s Day gift. I don’t work Fridays and stay at home with my youngest child. I do a lot of stereotypical mom duties such as do the laundry, garden, and breast feed. In this day and age, you can identify how you want. I happen to identify as a father and a mother or as I like to call it a “FaMother”. No one can take that away from me. Thank you for respecting my identity as a FaMother.
crack please
I like the sound of a smartphone hitting the ground. It’s such a soothing sound. I love to hear the crunch when it potentially breaks. I love the anguish it causes the person. It’s as if they broke a bone. They are more mortified when the phone breaks rather than their own limb. They look at their cracked phone like they just lost a loved one. You thought they just attended a memorial service for their phone. Hearing someone drop their phone to me is like listening to birds sing in the morning. It’s hearing a soft breeze on a summer day. It brings so much magic in my life. It’s therapeutic. It reduces my stress and anxiety knowing that someone is stressed and has anxiety.
the great splains
My girlfriend has a tendency to mansplain. She tends to over explain things that are common knowledge. We get it. We all know how a vacuum works or how to run the dishwasher. You don’t need to go into an in-depth story on how to wipe the counters. You’d think she was in the good ol boys club. Come back down from the cloud you’re living on and just assume we all know what you are talking about. Just keep it simple. I don’t know what else to call her over explanations other than mansplaining. I’ve been in a relationship with a mansplainer for 14 years. I’m ready to take a stand. Silence is violence.
holy crow
My son’s favorite bird is the crow. I didn’t think much of it but then realized crows are associated with death, thieves, graveyards, bad luck, and other negative connotations. Great, I have a emo kid now. My kid is a weird emo kid who likes crows. Some groups think of crows as good luck. I don’t know if I believe that. I was attacked by a crow and my luck didn’t change. If I saw a crow and it didn’t attack me that would be good luck. I’m going to give crows a second chance and understand why my son likes them. Currently, there are over 31 million crows in the United States. Let’s coexist with the crows.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion I didn’t get anything for Mother’s day. My gf had to mansplain to me why it’s about her and not me. However I did get something. I saw a crow that day and my day got better. I saw someone drop their Iphone and it made me feel bliss. I called a baby pale and no one cared. That’s good luck. I didn’t get any repercussions from ripping on a baby. Everything is going good… real good… just good.