something that you don’t see outside
sad people
my reaction: You rarely see sad people outside doing activities. I want to see more sad people outside. I want to see a sad person mowing the lawn and cry. I want to see a person bike and sob. I want to see a person jogging with a frown.
croc a doodle don’t
I’m going on a anti Croc campaign. I’ve been wearing Crocs consistently for the last couple of years and I’m officially done with them. I only wore them because I don’t like my feet being in shoes. They end up stinking. My feet are heavy sweaters. I need my feet to breath. If my feet have been in shoes for too long they end up smelling like a pickle factory that’s gone out of business. Crocs are for lazy people who don’t want to tie shoes. I’m going to burn my Crocs. I’m going to have a bonfire of Crocs but first I need to take them off. I just can’t stop wearing them.
stay home
I know it’s a long way from now but I’m scared to be an empty nester. An empty nester is when parent’s kids turn 18 and move out of the house. I have kids aged 2 and 6 years old so it’s going to be awhile. I don’t want to be an empty nester. I’m going to be so bored. The thought of it makes me cry. I’m going to encourage my kids to not go to college. College is too expensive. Stay home and work the farm (even though we don’t live on a farm). I’ll tell them to stay and work our small garden in the back. We need someone to take care of the family lawn, pick raspberries, and trim our hedges.
smile me up
Women will always smile at me when I’m pushing my 2-year-old on a stroller on a walk to the park. I always get smiles from women walkers, joggers, and drivers. It always a nice bright smile. I usually never get smiles from men. They usually just go about their business. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want more men to smile at me. If you’re a man and reading this please give me a man smile.
tp thief
My gf always steals toilet paper from my personal bathroom. It’s very inconvenient when you realize you don’t have any toilet paper. I’m just trying to live my life over here. We keep our toilet paper in our basement so I can understand if you’re in a pinch and you need a few squares but please return my roll. My gf is bumming squares off me like a homeless guy asking for cigarettes. Please fully stock your bathroom with toilet paper. I guess I shouldn’t complain because she buys the toilet paper.
dad disclaimer
I hope another dad from my kid’s school doesn’t ask me to hang out. I’ve mentioned earlier in a blog that I don’t want any new dad friends. I don’t want to be put in a situation where another dad will ask me to hang out. I don’t have time to hang out with another dad. I haven’t been asked yet but I guess this is my disclaimer. Please don’t ask me to hang out. I think they are too tired to hang out as well. I’m glad I haven’t been asked to hang out. I hope a dad never asks me to be his friend.
doogie howser moment
In summary, I think I should be collecting other dads as friends because I’m soon going to become an empty nester. I can just invite retired dads to my empty house to help me do chores. I won’t mind if they use my toilet paper as long as they go to the basement in replace it. Man… I’m going to be a wreck when my kids are older. I’m going to be a sad person wearing Crocs inside my house. No women are going to smile at me because I won’t have a kid they can smile at. But it won’t matter because I will have a lot of old retired dads in my house that I can smile with.