something I shouldn’t be ashamed of but I am
being the first person at the library when it opened
my reaction: I didn’t realize it when I walked in the library at 10:00 am but I was the first one to get there. I felt like a nerd with no life. The librarians probably all thought I was loser. It’s okay to wait in line for limited edition sneakers, black friday shopping, but not entering the library. No one is that thirsty for knowledge.
hug bad
My 2nd grade son will always hug his schoolteachers when he leaves school. He is a hugger. What can I say? But it also makes me look bad. It looks like he is a kid that is looking for tender, love, and care. It looks like he is not getting enough love at home. My kid doesn’t need that many hugs. I give him hugs every day. I reassure and show him that I love him each and every day. All these school hugs are making me look bad. It’s making me look like a deadbeat. I got to ban school hugs.
only dad
I like being the only dad at the playground because it makes me the ‘hot dad’ by default. I’m the only dad that other moms have to look at. I don’t even know if they look at me. I’m sure they don’t. They are too busy watching their own kids or gossiping. But in my head I like to think that I’m the only piece of meat they can look at. I especially like it when a ugly dad shows up. It makes me look even more attractive. I love it when a disheveled man walks up to the park with his kids. A man that looks beaten down by the trials and tribulations of life. A man that needs a clean shave and haircut and that man is usually me.
hot bit
I did the Hot Chip Challenge. The hot chip challenge is the hottest chip in the world. I ate an 1/8 of the chip and started sweating immensely. My mouth was on fire and my ears started to hurt. I felt like I just dropped acid. I was able to make it 5 minutes without getting a drink of water. I didn’t do a full chip but 1/8 of the chip was big enough. It was one of the hottest things I’ve done in my life. Maybe next time I’ll do the “hot nip challenge” and put the chip on my nip and lick it off. As you can tell the heat is still affecting my thought process. That was a weird thought.
charger
My teen step daughters will always say “I need my charger”. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “I need my charger”. Everyone always needs a phone charger. You don’t need a charger. You need a break from the screen. You need nature. You need a life. I’m sick of hearing I need my charger. I need a real life charger to keep me going throughout the day. I wish I could plug myself in and get charged up. I’m always running out of battery. I’m tired af. Plug me up. I need to get a usb outlet installed in my belly button. Plug me up at night. I’ll be 100% come morning time.
c e oh
My gf wants to become a CEO. I think it’s great. But she already makes double than me, owns the house we live in, and now she has goals. It’s going to change our relationship. I’m the one going to have to take out garbage, wash dishes, and vacuum. CEOs don’t do that. I can’t go out with friends while she stays home with the kids. She’s a CEO. CEOs don’t take orders they give out orders. My friends are like you really cashed in. No I didn’t. I don’t get a allowance from her. I get chores.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I should become a CEO of inventing Human Chargers. I can tell people what to do. I would make my gf do the hot chip challenge. I would have CEO confidence. I wouldn’t feel bad that I was the first one at the library. I would also be more tired than I am now. No one would ever complain about a charger again. We’d have a charger in every room. I wouldn’t be the only dad at the playground if I was CEO. I’d never see a playground again. My son would be getting too many hugs from strangers.