something I changed the meaning of
DTF
my reaction: I’m DTF. I am. Don’t judge me. I guess all parents are DTF. If I’m not DTF then I’m a deadbeat. I don’t want to be a deadbeat. If you have kids you have to be DTF. I’m Down To Family.
proud flipper
I’m a proud owner of a flip phone but I’d think it’s weird if I met someone else who owned one. I’d think “what’s wrong with you?”. “Why don’t you get with the times?” “Just please get a smartphone.” “It’ll make your life easier.” The list goes on. I don’t want to get with the times. I want life to be harder. I don’t want to be like everyone else. I’ve only met two other people in the last 20 years with a flip phone and I’ve thought were weird. To everyone who has a smartphone, keep it, I don’t want to think you’re strange. I’m DTF. I’m Down To Flip.
b tend
I want to be a bartender at a brewery. It would be a simple job. All I’d have to do is pour beer and hang out. I would get to hang out with cool hipsters. People would think I was hip. I would wear a plaid shirt and act like I know what I’m talking about. I would love to be a bartender for 1 day per month. It would give me all the socializing I’d need. I don’t even drink beer anymore. I’ve been 4 years sober. I would love the irony of being a bartender who doesn’t drink. It’d be like if I worked at Best Buy and I was Amish. I would be DTF. Down To Ferment.
x mas miracle
My son has been saying “It’s a Christmas Miracle” every time it snows. It’s not even Christmas yet. He’s been saying, “it’s a Christmas Miracle” since November. Even if it rains he says it’s a Christmas miracle. “It’s raining it’s a Christmas Miracle!” I’ve been starting to say it’s a Christmas Miracle during times when it’s not appropriate. I’ll say it’s Christmas miracle when I eat hot sauce and don’t feel the pain next day. It’s a Christmas Miracle when I don’t think weird thoughts. It’s a Christmas miracle when I fart and it doesn’t smell. I’m DTF. I’m Down To Fart.
extra extra
I also want to be an extra in a local film. I think I’d make a great extra in a local indie film. I don’t want to be an extra in a big film. I don’t want to sell out and be a big time extra. I just want to be an extra in a small film that is posted on YouTube. I think that’s my calling in life. I’d be the best extra there was. I’d be a local extra celebrity. Being an extra in a film is an attainable goal. I’d be an extra extra if they needed one. I’d be backup extra. I’m DTF. I’m Down to Film.
kia men
Teens are my least favorite age group. They complain, are lazy, and entitled. The only teens I respect are the Kia Boyz. The Kia Boyz are go getters. They are not waiting for opportunity. They create it. They don’t talk about it. They be about it. The Kia Boyz aren’t on Tik Tok all day. They are out their stealing cars. They are entrepreneurs. If you buy a Kia knowing that the Kia Boyz are out there you deserve to get your car stolen. Buy a Dodge. Buy a Toyota. Buy a Ford. Be DTF. Down to Ford.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion. I’m down to own a flip phone, work at brewery, and be an extra in a local film. I’m down for whatever. I’m down with the Kia Boyz. I want to be a Kia Boy. I want to be a Kia Man. I want to grow old and be a Kia Grandpa. Finally, it’s a Christmas Miracle that I’m DTF.