a new word i like using but never use
buxom
my reaction: I like the word buxom. I don’t think the word is necessary though. It means someone is fully bodied and curvaceous, particularly in the area of breasts. I’ve never heard a guy say, “that buxom turns me on”. I use the word to describe my thighs. I got buxom thighs. They are full bodied.
bump set yikes
Last Monday, I went to watch my gf play sand league volleyball. A girl on my gf’s volleyball team has fake boobs. I wasn’t looking at them deliberately. I saw them in my peripheral. I was really just scanning the area for potential threats. I wanted to secure the perimeter because my kids were there. I don’t seek out fake boobs they present themselves. No one seeks out fake boobs. They just pop up. Even if I did stare at them, I should be able to. They are fake. I look at fake stuff. If you got a knee replacement I’d look at that.
prep talk
Last weekend, I went to a Kentucky Derby party at our neighbor’s house. I asked my gf if she thought any of the married women there thought I was attractive. She said, “absolutely not’. I said, “Really?”. She replied, “yeah”. She clarified that they were all into preppy guys. I’m apparently not preppy. I’m more of an athletic hippie. She went on to say my type wasn’t there. I guess only a certain type of female likes me. I guess only ugly people like me. I’m a ugly magnet.
framed
You ever go to one of your married friend’s house and they have pics of themselves in every room. They got photos of them in the hallway, living room, and basement. They even got pics of themselves in the bathroom. I don’t need to see you in love while I’m dropping a deuce. It makes me nauseas. Their house is littered with pics of them in love. There are pics of them walking on the beach, holding hands, and embracing each other. Not once when I was at their house did I see them even hug but they got mass amounts of ‘archives’ of them being happy. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t be able to be that serious in a pic to look into my gf’s eyes. I would lol while we embraced.
fly away
I’m sick of seeing robins. I see too many robins. Robins don’t do it for me. There is no symbolism when you see a robin. It’s just another day when you see a robin. They are not even a pretty bird. I’d prefer to see a rare bird like a cardinal, blue jay, or bald eagle. Those birds symbolize something. They add interest to one’s day. But seeing a robin is just like whatever. It’s like seeing a squirrel. It’s like passing a McDonald’s. I saw one of you 15 minutes ago. I’d be okay if all the robins died. If they became extinct, I wouldn’t be sad.
ghost wave
My neighbor always waves to me while he is driving in his tinted window car. I can’t see you. I can barely make out the erratic wave. You don’t need to wave to me. You have tinted windows. There’s a reason you got tinted windows. You don’t want to be seen. Stop waving to me. It’s hypocritical. Roll down your window if you want to wave to me. Don’t wave through tint. It’s too hard to know if you’re waving or not. I don’t want to mistakenly wave at someone I don’t know.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I wish my house had tinted windows. It would decrease the amount of time I see robins. I don’t want to see skinny robins, fit robins, or buxom robins. Actually, seeing a buxom robin with fake boobs would be hilarious. I’m sure the internet has already made that up. The internet probably has photos of robins in love. Man…these birds are ‘robin’ me of my happiness.