overheard in a conversation I was in
“he was set on Chili’s”- a coworker of mine when asked what restaurant her and her husband went to
My Reaction: On the previous Friday I had suggested they go to a local restaurant. I guess my suggestion wasn’t even considered by her husband. Last time I recommend a restaurant. I never thought as Chili’s as something I was ‘set on’. I’ve never been like it’s “I’m putting my foot down…. it’s Chili’s or bust b*tch”. Maybe I’m wrong. I haven’t been to Chili’s since I was a child. I’ve eaten there twice. There was nothing that great at Chilis that I needed to go back. I’ve never uttered or will utter, “I’m set on Chili’s”.
catch me on the flip
My flip phone has 4g. Let me start over. I have a flip phone still. I have never owned a smartphone. My flip phone has 4g capabilities. Not sure why? I can only text and talk. I’m on a $25 plan that allows me to only do that; text and talk. What do I need 4g for? Just give me 1g. I don’t even need a g. Give me an f. 1f. I somehow have a camera and receive pictures. Don’t get to excited my camera is only 5 megapixels. I’d be better off with a Polaroid. Some people get pretty emotional about me owing a flip phone. I’m not sure why they get mad. Why do you care about what kind of electronic device that’s in my pocket? I don’t care what’s in yours. Please don’t care about what electronics I own. Thank you.
blue waters
One of life’s simple pleasures is using the bathroom at work and finding a toilet that has been freshly cleaned. Every time I open up that stall door I anticipate in joy that the toilet water will be blue as the ocean. If not, I go about my business as usual. I’m a professional. But when I do see a bowl of blue cleaning solution, I do a slow motion fist pump like I’ve just won the Super Bowl. I can defecate in peace knowing that the toilet has been wiped from top to bottom. But that doesn’t mean I forego building a nest. I still apply a couple of strands of tp just to ensure I don’t get “chemical booty”. I don’t need rashes on my pancake butt. I’ve been working at my job so long that I know when the janitor cleans the bathroom. It’s like when a mastermind criminal knows when the Brinks security truck drops off the cash at a bank. I’m just like the mastermind in that I know the exact time I can drop off my goods during my bathroom burglary.
cold lunch snack
My step kids made their own lunch this week because their mom had to leave work early. They all discussed about it the night before. Not once was it mentioned that I could make their lunch. No one said, “well… why can’t Curt make the lunch?” They all bypassed me as potential lunch maker. I should be hurt but whatever I’m not trying to make their dumb lunch. Anyways they woke up early to make their lunch and it was atrocious. They had pretzels with pub cheese, a tortilla wrapped with cookie butter, and a cereal bar. The only vegetable in there was a pickle. A pickle was the healthiest thing. It was like a stoner packed their lunch. It was full of munchies, did not have any of the basic food groups, and lacked nutrition. It was a bunch of carbs. Have fun lacking nutrients for the day.
from dusk to lawn
My ex neighbor does my current neighbor’s landscaping. My ex neighbor used to live on the block until him and his wife got a divorce thus making him an ‘ex neighbor”. Now the only time I see him is when he is trimming our neighbor’s bushes. It’s a little strange to see because our next door neighbor always gives us sh*t that we don’t mow our lawn. Yet he has a guy (our ex neighbor) doing his landscaping. My neighbor is more than capable of trimming bushes and pulling weeds. He is in his 40s. The guy who does it for him is in his 50s. I wonder what his ex-wife is thinking when she sees her ex-husband pulling weeds in her neighbor’s lawn as she walks her dog with her new partner. I guess I can’t hate. You got to hustle out here to make a couple extra bucks.
fall fest
The family and I went to a fall themed party hosted by one of my gf’s friend. There were about 20 people hanging out when we pulled out. I got instant social anxiety and didn’t want to be the first one to leave the car. I didn’t have the courage. I like being in the back of the group, it’s safer back there. The kids sensed my uneasiness. I told my step daughters, “I’m not getting out first”. One of them followed my lead and also stayed in the car. I guess she is like me. The others paid no attention to us and got out with ease. We finally exited the car and made are way. There was a lot going on people eating, kids playing, and drinks to be had. They had tables of food but I was too scared to eat because of the pandemic. I’m not big on eating food I don’t see made. People are gross. I waited for about 2 hours until I realized I was going to have to eat. I had my girlfriend pour me some chili because I didn’t want to touch the handle. Handles are a big no no for me. She obliged. She is much braver than me. In the end, I guess I was like my coworker’s husband, I was “set on chili”.
pulling back the curtains on Pooh Richardson
Jerome “Pooh” Richardson was selected in the first round of the 1989 NBA draft by the Minnesota Timberwolves with the 10th pick. He was the first draft pick ever in Timberwolves franchise history. Imagine starting a new team and the guy you draft is named “Pooh”. You’re going to be the face of the Timberwolves ‘Pooh’. His nickname came from his grandmother who thought he resembled Winnie the Pooh. I think Winnie would’ve been a better choice than Pooh. He had a 10 year playing career in the NBA as a point guard from 1989-1999 playing for 3 different teams. He averaged 11 points and 6.5 assists per game. He currently is an assistant coach at College of the Desert. That’s the real name. It’s not a joke. Its name is the College of the Desert. Does the desert need a college? I feel like a desert needs water not a college. Hey Desert…let’s meet Maslow’s hierarchy of needs first before we start a college.
doogie howser moment
Don’t nickname your kid Pooh. If that’s the case you might as well just call him Poop. Even if the bathroom at work is clean you should still build a nest. Just because your neighbor gets divorced doesn’t mean he can’t mow your lawn. If you go to a party use your partner’s hands to ladle you food. You might not have your heart set on Chili’s but you can have heart set on Chili.