i asked my 3-year-old daughter if i was a real man
she said “no”
my reaction: Fair enough.
miller sniff
Last week, I went out with a few friends to a music festival. I don’t drink so I just sniffed their beer all night. I had to be fun in a sober way so just I did a few lines of Miller Lite. It worked. It made me fun. I was yelling and screaming for a few hours until I crashed. I inhaled a lot of beer that night. I woke up and my nose was runny. I got the beer sniffles. My nostrils were hungover.
trashily
My family is trashy. We are. We full of trash. We fill our garbage bin to the max every week. I should say I fill it up because no one in my house takes out the trash. It’s always overflowing. I had to put my son in my garbage bin and have him stomp on it so we could fit more garbage. We are the trashiest family on the block. My garbage can is rock hard with trash in it. It’s never flaccid. It’s the girthiest garbage can on the block. We should be fined it’s so heavy. We jam pack pounds upon pounds of garbage.
teen fridge
Our household got a new refrigerator. It’s a new sleek trendy refrigerator. It makes all the food look better. We took the old fridge and put it in the garage. We have a garage fridge now. We are officially rich. You’ve made it if you have a garage fridge. We don’t have much in the garage fridge but we have one. I should turn my garage fridge into the teen fridge. My teen step daughters can keep all thier half eaten McFlurries, chicken nuggets, and french fries in there. I don’t want their fast food messing up my new fridge. You take them fuego fries and put them in the garage fridge. Don’t turn my new fridge that I didn’t buy into a landfill.
old old soul
I just found out that my gf is an ‘old soul’. An old soul is someone who is mature beyond their years and is emotionally stable. I always thought of an old soul as boring. I thought being an old soul was not socializing, unfunny, and just being lame. I definitely misinterpreted that meaning. You can still have fun and be an old soul. I want to publicly apologize to my gf for thinking she was not fun for the last 15 years. She is just an old old soul. Just so old and full of soul.
respect
Recently my friend was talking about his own mortality so it got me thinking about mine. If I die I want a lot of people at my funeral. I want people I barely know to come to my funeral. I want acquaintances, homeless people, and strangers to come to my funeral. I want people I’ve met once to give my eulogy. “I’ve only met Curt once. I walked past him at Walgreens. He smiled then looked away. He made my day.” I want my bank teller to come to my funeral. I want the cashier at my grocery store to come. I want the homeless guy that I gave a dollar to come. I would feel so blessed that all these people who I don’t know came to pay their respects.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, it’s hard to be a ‘real’ man. I’ll take just being a man though. I don’t drink and have a family. That’s being a man. I know how to push down garbage. That’s a manly thing. I sniffed beer for god’s sake. That seems pretty manly. I want all those things said at my eulogy. Finally, I don’t care if I’m a real man I’d rather be an old soul.