something i’m sick of hearing parents say

you don’t have to tell me…i get it…

my reaction: Anytime I hear a parent complain to another parent about their kids the parent who is listening says, “i get it”. Do they really ‘get it?”. Every parent ‘gets it’. I’ve even heard stay at home moms who don’t work say ‘I get it’. Actually, you don’t get it.

soccer bowel

One of the kids on my son’s second grade soccer team took a dump in the bushes during practice. While all the kids were on a bathroom break peeing on trees while this kid squatted down and pooped in the bushes. His mom told me earlier in the season that he had ADHD. I don’t think pooping in public is a symptom of ADHD. What’s worse is that the kids checked to see if he did poop in the bushes. They confirmed that he did. He did not have toilet paper or sanitary wipes of any kind. We told him to not touch any of us during practice. This kid wasn’t even a Furry. He doesn’t identify as a animal. He’s a he/him and that’s what he/hims do. I don’t think I’m going to tell his parents. I don’t want that smoke.

freeze me

I have seen the movie Frozen way too many times. I’ve probably seen it 50 times in my lifetime. Yet I haven’t watched a real adult movie in years but I have watched Frozen more than I wish to admit. I’ve watched it when my son was 3 years old now he’s 8. Now I’m watching it again because my daughter is 3. Here we go again. I actually don’t like Elsa at all. She is annoying. I particularly dislike how she runs. How can she run? She’s been living in castle her whole life. She also shouldn’t be that skinny for someone who wasn’t able to leave her castle until she was an adult. I literally wish I was frozen because then I wouldn’t have to watch it again.

sniff point

I’ve been sniffing my gf every hour because she once smelled musty a few weeks ago. I look like an anteater. I’m sniffing her like I have a bad cocaine habit. I don’t want to smell her musty scent again. I’m protecting myself from a bad scent. I’ve set up sniffing checkpoints in our house. It’s like a security checkpoint of smelling. If she smells I will recommend her to take a shower. I smell her every hour on the hour. I will smell her before her she enters each room, so she won’t contaminate the room. The smell check points have been working. The house has been smelling better since I’ve implemented this program.

hacks of life

Life hacks are a waste of time. I feel like people who do life hacks have a lot of time on their hands. I do admit it’s cool but it’s also useless. Life hacks include cleaning your shoe with toothpaste, using a lint roller to remove dust on a lamp shade, and putting a wet paper towel on a soda can in the freezer to make it cool faster. How bored do you have to be to think of these? All these life hacks aren’t making my life better. They are more work. I don’t want to waste my toothpaste on my shoes. The freezer is actually making the soda cold and I’ve never cleaned my lamp shade. A life hack just makes easy things a little bit easier by doing a little more work which in the end doesn’t make sense.

so rewarding

I’m a sucker for rewards programs at local businesses such as coffee shops, hardware stores, or gas stations. It’s so easy to sign up for rewards programs. All you have to do is give them your number and email. I don’t care if I ever go back to that store. I just like the fact that someone might reward me with something in the future. I don’t get many awards, so this is a way to get some kind of reward. It might take me years to accumulate points but I will be rewarded one day. I just like typing in my phone number and feeling like I’m part of the club. I feel like a preferred member even though I know I won’t get a reward until I’ve spent $1000.

doogie howser moment

In conclusion, I’m going to keep shopping at places that have rewards program. It’s truly a rewarding experience. That’s my life hack. Sign up for every reward program as possible and have your friends use it. I wish I had a life hack for not smelling my gf. Maybe I’ll just use a chip clip for my nose. I need a life hack for how kids can wipe their butt in public. In conclusion, I wish I was frozen, but you understand, you get it.