overheard in a conversation I was in
“I’m not going to interact with the public…. I’m high risk!”- coworker passionately talking about Covid while she was on her smoking break
My reaction: She is talking about how she is high risk because of her age but she is puffing on a cigarette like there is no tomorrow. Your smoking. Maybe you should put down the Marlboro.
hot help
I’m sick of reading self-help advice from good looking people on the internet. There is not one ugly self-help guru out there. They are all hot. Well, of course you feel good about yourself, your a 10! I want self-help advice from the ugliest person out there, then I know they got the tools to a successful and happy life. All these hot people trying to motivate me? Your hot! How am I supposed to feel bad for you? You got hot people problems which are not real problems. You’ve gotten preferential treatment your entire life. You don’t have problems getting laid or getting a job. You are fake depressed just to get our money so we buy your merch and your dumb book.
I’m the one?
I asked my gf if she was excited to date again. She said, “no”. It was a hard no. She went on to elaborate saying she has spent so much time, effort, and work in this relationship that she wouldn’t have the energy to do it again. She ended with “I’ll probably never date again”. I must be the one or I broke her? I’d like to think I’m the “one” but it’s most likely the latter. I must be very difficult to date. I don’t blame her though. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. All I was trying to say was, “wouldn’t it feel good to be in the honeymoon stage again?” I think that was my angle but it came out as “aren’t you excited to date again if we ever split?”. I need to use words better.
you look my uncle
The new intern at work told me I looked like her Uncle. I wasn’t sure how to take that because Uncles are usually associated with fun or creepy. She showed me a picture of her Uncle. He didn’t look half bad but he also didn’t look half good. He didn’t look creepy either. I think I was in the clear from being the creepy Uncle. But it’s a sign I’m getting older. Soon enough, I will be looking like someone’s dad and then grandparent, but for right now, I guess being an Uncle is cool. I’m not looking for validation but I’m glad she wasn’t hitting on me. I’m spoken for. Thank god she made it abundantly clear she had no interest in me when she said, “you look like my Uncle”.
called it
It’s hard to watch movies with my step kids. Not because they are my step kids but because they are in middle school. They like to talk throughout the whole movie. It makes movie watching very frustrating. While watching Star Wars, one of them blurted out several times throughout the movie “called it”. Why don’t you be a movie director then? It wouldn’t be during important scenes either. It would be during a scene that had no importance to the storyline. For example, there would be a scene where the main characters are eating lunch and she would be like “called it… I knew they were hungry”. Or there would be a scene at the end of the day and everyone is going to bed and she says, “called it…. I knew they were going to be tired”. Wow you know how to really call it. Please tell me what’s going to happen next. Are the main characters going to wake up the next day? She says, “yep… called it”.
cheddar ain’t better
I had a cheese hangover from eating Lasagna. Cheese hangovers are a real thing if your lactose intolerant. I was disoriented, full of regret, and thought about calling into work. I had a stomach ache the entire day. It’s fine if I have a small piece of cheese here and there, but not a lot like lasagna. Lasagna is the mother lode of cheese dishes. It’s 3 layers of cheese! I can do one layer of cheese but not 3. Why does a dish need 3 layers of cheese? That’s a lot of cow excretion. It’s a vegan nightmare. Sorry cheddar we can’t be friends.
pulling back the curtains
Vin Baker was selected by the Milwaukee Bucks with the 8th pick in the first round of the 1993 NBA draft. He holds career averages of 15 ppg, 7.4 rpg, and 1.9 apg. He was a 4x all star, made the All- NBA Second Team in 98, and All-NBA Third Team in 97. I don’t think they should have an All-NBA third team. If you don’t make the first team then your out. Might as well have the ‘All NBA 7th team’. His father is a Baptist minister and auto mechanic. I wonder how many times his dad said, “Jesus grab the wheel?’. On July 18, 2020, The Vin Baker Foundation hosted a 5k run called “Addiction Ends Here”.
doogie howser moment
If you don’t want to be high risk, put down risky habits. For example, I have a high risk of having GI issues if I eat cheese, so I avoid it. That’s self help advice from me, an average looking person who is not hot so it’s believable. In the end, I don’t mind being called an Uncle by the opposite sex, it prevents me from dating again. I guess I don’t want to date again because I won’t find someone better and put in work, but you already knew that, you ‘called it’.