overheard in a conversation I was in
“Excuse me… that’s our wagon”- me to a couple of teen boys
My reaction: I was playing with my son last week down by the creek. We couldn’t bring our wagon any closer because there was too much brush, so we left it on the sidewalk. A couple of teens walked by and took our wagon. I thought “Do I let them take my son’s wagon? It’s beat up and raggedy. I don’t really need it or do I stick up for myself and show my son I’m a man”. I ended up saying, “excuse me… that’s our wagon”. The kid was apologetic thinking it was junk on the side of the curb. His friend who was high as balls said, “what ya’ll doing? chillin? smoking?” “No…I’m with my 3 year old son”. If I only had this confidence years earlier maybe my life would’ve been a little different.
jump man
In 7th grade I got “jumped” for my bike. Back in the day kids would say you “got jumped” when somebody beat you up for something. I like to think of it as being robbed. Being jumped is being robbed. Me and my friend Zach got beat up for our bikes. I shouldn’t say beat up because I didn’t put up a fight. We could have fought but I didn’t know how or have the courage to. I let the kid have my bicycle. So, I guess in reality I wasn’t robbed. He said, “gimme your bike” and I obliged by just doing so. That’s not theft. That’s a legal transaction. I like to think I donated my bike that night. Trust me if he meant to rob me I would’ve kicked his a$$. No, actually not at all.
the grind
Once at a party in High School my twin brother danced with a girl at house party. I’m pretty sure it was innocent but you know how rumors spread. The rumors made it seem like it was a full on grind fest. It would’ve been okay but she had a boyfriend at the time who was in college. Word on the street was that this guy wanted to beat my brother up. Somehow, he got our house phone number (this was before cellular devices) and set up a place/time to meet up to “fight”. Back in the day you set a time and place if you wanted to fight someone. This guy told my brother to meet at Pick N Save (local grocery store) at 6:00 pm on a Saturday night. Luckily, I was grounded that night. There is no way I was going to be able to defend my brother from guys 3 years older than us. I was so happy to be grounded or else I would’ve been in the hospital that night.
stranger things
Another moment in High School was when we had a stalker at our house. He would ring our door bell repeatedly, rearrange items in our yard, and peer through our windows. It was creepy. Still haunts me to this day. We as a family decided to take things in our own hands. It was after Christmas and we decided to “bait” our stalker with our Christmas tree. We knew as soon as we put it on the curb he would move it on our door step. Sometimes you got to think like a stalker if your going to defeat a stalker. That night my brother and his friend would sleep downstairs waiting for our stalker to grab the tree. I was on lookout upstairs watching from my bed out the window. Sure enough our stalker came and moved the tree from the curb to doorstep. My brother’s friend hit the car alarm, my mom called 911, and my brother chased him. My brother ended up tackling him and the cops came to take him away. Where was I when this all happened? I was sound asleep.
dorm chokehold
In college I lived in the dorms for one year even though my childhood home was across the street from campus. I did it so I could make friends. Twenty years later I still have these friends. But I also had encounters with other students that were not so friendly. I remember the Resident Assistant (RA) putting me in a chokehold because I made one of those death threats like your going to cut someone’s neck off while in the cafeteria to him. He didn’t take kindly to that. He yelled at me saying he could lose his job for this. I’m thinking in my head “why are you doing this then?” It was where I took a joke too far. In my mind, I thought I was being funny. But I guess he didn’t think fake death threats in the dorm cafeteria were as funny as I did.
the German
After a late night of drinking me and two of my friends were walking home looking for late night eats. We ended up meeting this German guy at this late night food spot. We made small talk, got our food, and left. I’m not sure what transpired but one of my friend’s ended up telling him “the holocaust did not happen”. Not sure why? It made no sense. Luckily, nothing came out of it, or so we thought. Not more than a few blocks after my friend said, “the holocaust never happened” the German guy comes running back wanting to fight us. There’s 3 of us and 1 of him. There’s no way this guy is going to win. Mind you we are at playground at this point. A group of 4 adults fighting at a playground at 3am is a funny image. He ends up punching one friend and then punches my other friend who was trying to defend my first friend. I’m in shock. I’m not sure what to do. I should’ve tried to hit the guy but I didn’t. The German guy ends up running off while my friend’s are on the ground in pain. Once he is far enough away I start screaming, “come on mann… you wannna go… let’s do this!”
not pulling back the curtains
No player has worn the number 64. I’m glad no one wore this number because I hate writing this segment. Honestly, I don’t write any part of this segment. I rip it straight from Wikipedia. I guess I’m sick of plagiarizing Wikipedia.
doogie howser moment
Maybe I’m glad I didn’t have confidence back in the day. Think of all the fights I would’ve lost. I would’ve gotten beat up in middle school, high school, college, and in my 30s. Being a scared little boy is a good thing. I’m a lover not a fighter. When in doubt run from a fight, get your bike stolen, or let your friends get beat up. It’s not cowardly, it’s wise. But if you try to steal my three year old son’s wagon, I’ll kindly tell you that it’s mine, hoping you respect my request and give it back.