overheard in a conversation I was in
“your grounded… gimme your phone”- gf to step daughter
my reaction: My gf grounded her 8th grade daughter because she was hanging out with her friends too long. She was an hour late from being home on time. My gf “grounded her” meaning she took her phone away for one day. My other daughter told her mom she was “being soft”. I said, “just use your sister’s phone”. I guess grounding kids these days means taking their phone away. Basically you’re a kid circa 2001. You being grounded (having phone taking away) was our normal. We never had cellphones growing up. Our grounded was you couldn’t leave the house. Nowadays, it’s “I’m taking your phone away… you’re a kid from the 90s…”.
assume
I’ve been told by my gf to “assume good intentions”. It’s hard to do but I will give it a try starting right now. When someone is speeding down the freeway, I will no longer think they are drunk, on drugs, or evading a police officer (even if one is in a speed chase with them), I will simply assume every car that speeds is a guy driving their pregnant wife to the hospital. I will no longer think negatively about all the people who are robbers are bad. I will simply think they are robbing people so that they can donate money to their favorite charity. Finally, if I get punched in the face by a random stranger, I will no longer think how awful society is, but I will thank him for knocking some sense in me. I will assume good intentions.
horse power
While driving my car I thought about horsepower in reference to a car’s engine. Typically, cars average around 200 horsepower. I still think it’s weird to compare a car’s engine to a horse. Imagine instead of an engine equivalent to 200 horsepower you had 200 horses. You literally had 200 horses as your mode of transportation. You thought traffic was bad now? You wouldn’t be able to park your 200 horses in a typical driveway, you would need a farm. You would need like 5 farms to keep all those horses. Another thing, the streets would be constantly covered in manure that the horses would be sliding in it. You wouldn’t get anywhere. Let’s just be glad that horsepower is just a term and not a reality.
don’t fall
Fall is here! Now we can hear commercials say “Fall Into Savings”, dating sites say “Fall Into Love”, and you can hear me say, “I’m Falling Into Depression”. No, I’m not depressed. I’m fake depressed. I have FOMO so when it comes to mental health I didn’t want to miss out on all the no fun. My depression comes quarterly once every 3 months. I think I’m doing pretty well. If can be most of the time happy in 3 month increments, I’m doing okay. I have one friend who is a one upper so when I told him “I’m not feeling work… it’s been tough”, he replies “that’s nothing… I’ve been home the last 5 days, eating pizza, and watching movies.” I was like “dude that’s the plot to Home Alone… your Kevin McCallister without the Wet Bandits.”
wings revisited
I talked about how there is a chicken wing shortage a few posts ago and I would like to make a further comment about it. When is Buffalo Wild Wings better known as BW3s going to step up and take most of the blame here. Buffalo Wild Wings should take full responsibility of the wing shortage in the USA, better yet worldwide. There is 1,238 BW3s dedicated to serving people chicken wings. They should be put in jail for mass murder. I know I said we should source a new bird like pigeons or robins but I was wrong. Lets just use a different part of the bird. How about instead of wings they sell chicken butt? We already eat eggs and they go through the butt. How different is that? All you can eat Chicken Butt. Does it matter? You put enough sauce on anything and it will be good. BW3s would have to change their name to Buffalo Will Butts but I’m confident they can rebrand.
most important
They say Breakfest is the most important meal of the deal. Oh yeah? Your coffee with extra sugar and cream, your stale powdered doughnut from Hostess, or your Lucky Charms that are supposed to be magically delicious. I beg to differ. I don’t think grams of sugar is the right way to start the day. Start you day off with a bowl of diabetes or have bacon and eggs. Have something that comes from a chicken’s butt and pig’s stomach? If you don’t like pig stomach you can just have a breakfast sausage which is probably a pigs butt. Either way your starting your day off with a animals butt or sugar. That’s why I eat oatmeal. Oatmeal is not sexy. It’s boring. Real boring. But oatmeal doesn’t come from an animals butthole.
Pulling back the curtains
Shawn Bradley was drafted in the 1993 NBA Draft by the Philadelphia 76ers with the 2nd overall pick. Shawn was nicknamed “The Stormin’ Mormon“. He was one of the tallest players at 7 ft 6 inches hence his number was 76. He was born in Landstuhl, Germany, as his family was stationed at the U.S. military base medical facility but grew up in Utah. He holds citizenship in the United States and Germany. He finished his career with averages of 8.1 points, 6.3 rebounds, and 2.5 blocks in 23.5 minutes of action per game.
doogie howser moment
I would love to get grounded these days (assuming I was a kid) because all my mom would do is take my flip phone away. She wouldn’t take away my 200 horsepower car just my phone. I guess I don’t have to worry because I’m an adult. I just need to work on assuming good intentions. I should assume Lucky Charms won’t give me a tummy ache but they probably will. I shouldn’t assume that there will be no more chicken wings, and if there is I will assume people will adapt, and start eating chicken butt. So look out for BW3s new slogan “Fall into the Butt”.