convo with me and my gf
Me: Which one is the everything bagel?
Gf: Umm…the one with EVERYTHING on it.
My reaction two days later: I don’t think that was a dumb question. The everything bagel does not have everything on it. I checked. It has some things. The everything bagel is just a sesame bagel with a few more seasonings. The bagel industry is fooling us into thinking that the everything bagel has everything. There are so many crazy bagel flavors out there, it’s hard to decipher what an everything bagel actually is. I don’t think I need to be ostracized on trying to find and determine what the everything bagel is.
goodwill swagging
I noticed that people, especially older people, dress up when they go to Goodwill. It’s like if someone dressed up in Sunday’s Best to go a rummage sale. I guess Look Good Feel Good even if your buying stuff that doesn’t look good or make you feel good.
light post
My father in law was in town replacing a light pole in our front yard. Our next door neighbor commented to him saying, “thanks for fixing that… that broken light post has really brought down the value of our houses.” Oh does it? A light post has brought the value of the house down? YOU bring the value of the neighborhood down with your attitude. No one wants to live by you. Your piss poor attitude makes me want to move. Your bringing the value of me down.
the gift card
Me and my gd had a $100 gift card to a really nice restaurant. I was excited. We had a date. We dressed up. We canoodled. Beforehand though, I looked up the menu online mapping out what we were going to eat to keep it at or below $100. I’m doing math in my head of how much all the food costs. This is $25, this is $30, and that is $15. We ordered oysters, mussels, and shrimp. We basically ordered all the expensive stuff. It was a great meal, even better when you know it’s free. But then things turned as my gf read the small print of the gift card and we are unable to use it. Our meal ends up costing $180. Dang, I had to take a l. I wouldn’t have ordered half the food if I knew I had to pay for it. Kiss the mussels, shrimp, and oysters goodbye. We would’ve ended up with just soup and salad if I knew it was coming out of my pocket. Always read the fine print.
dirty phone
I don’t think anyone enjoys emptying the dishwasher. I don’t mind it. I don’t want my kids to empty it. I don’t want their grubby mitts on a nice clean dish. They rarely wash their hands. Their slimy greasy paws have been touching a phone that follows them everywhere. The phone has to be dirtier than money. How many of you use the bathroom without being on your phone? No one. Everyone always takes their phone to the bathroom. No matter how much you wash your hands your phone is dirty. Wash your phone.
fight togetherness
My stepdaughters are getting older. One of them just turned 14 years old. I’m trying to find new ways to connect to them so we watched YouTube clips of NBA fights before bed. We really connected over watching grown men trying to beat the sh*t of each other. We came together as one. It was a heart-warming moment as the whole family gathered around the TV to watch 2 players with blood on their face try to hurt each other.
pulling back the curtains
Baron Davis was drafted in the 1999 NBA Draft by the Charlotte Hornets with the 3rd overall pick. He also played for the New Orleans Hornets, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Clippers, Cleveland Cavaliers and New York Knicks. Davis played college basketball for UCLA. He is a two-time NBA All-Star, made the All-NBA Third Team in 2004, and led the NBA in steals twice. In late 2017, Davis was spotted on several dates with actress Laura Dern. I have no reason to put that in his bio but I love how it made Wikipedia, so I put in there.
doogie howser moment
I truly believe in the Look Good Feel Good motto. I want to look good even when I’m doing the dishes. I want to look good everywhere even though I don’t try. When I went to that nice restaurant in where I thought we had a $100 gift card I felt great because I was wearing a collard shirt. I wonder if my neighbor thinks if I’m bringing down the value of the house when I wear my sweatpants around the neighborhood. I’m glad I’m watching YouTube clips of grown men fighting, I might need it if my neighbor is talking crap about our light post. Maybe we can break bread and enjoy an everything bagel and talk about everything that annoys him.