overheard in a conversation I was in
“I’m not going to buy a pistol yet… I need to get my temper under control”– a friend talking about guns
flour pigs
While I was at the lakefront, an older lady pulled up in her Audi, got out, threw plain tortillas where the pigeons flock, and drove off. I didn’t understand what the hell she was doing at first, then realized she is feeding the birds. It was so windy that day that when she threw the tortillas they came flying back at her. She had to pick them up and re throw those tortilla boomerangs. How embarrassing? I would’ve booked it as soon as I let those flour frisbees go. I don’t want anyone seeing me fail at throwing expired tortillas. I felt bad for those pigeons. Plain tortillas? No cheese? You could’ve made them quesadillas at least, we have plenty of cheese in Wisconsin. Come on! I wonder how far this lady drove to do this? Did she drive 30 minutes to feed the pigs? I call pigeons “pigs” for short, it’s just easier that way. I assume it wasn’t her first time. She looked like a lady who would do something like that. She probably thinks that was her good deed of the day, but those pigeons were fine without your stale tortillas.
getting buckets
My step daughters have a bucket list. There in middle school. I don’t even have a bucket list and I’m approaching a mid life crisis. I like people who have mid life crises it makes me feel better. And how do you know it’s the middle of your life? You don’t know when the lord is going to call. Shoot… I’ve been having crises my entire life: daily, weekly, and monthly crises. Get outta here with that once in a lifetime mid life crisis BS. But how morbid does a kid have to be to have a bucket list in middle school? What the hell is on that list? Have Culver’s for breakfast…go to Great America…hold hands with someone? How are you going to have a bucket list? You don’t even have a job. Your too young to hate your life just yet.
dutch boy
I didn’t realize that the age of buying tobacco went up to 21 in Wisconsin. I was at the gas station and this girl with a mask on asked me to buy her a “Dutch”. I had no idea what she was talking about. You want me to buy a person who is Dutch? You want a double Dutch rope? I’m confused??? Then after she repeated it several times, I finally understood that she wanted a flavored cigar. “Wait… aren’t you 18?”, I asked. She said, “no…I’m 20.” She should be grandfathered into this law, since she was able to smoke legally for the last 2 years. I rationalized this bad deed as a good deed and stand by it. I know she could’ve been lying, but I’m naive, I see the best in people. So the gentleman in me got her a flavored tobacco cigar. I felt real good about myself. It was my random act of kindness. Just remember, we’re all in this together.
not a pirate’s booty
I went on a trip to Puerto Rico 8 years ago with my brother and a couple of his friends. It was a fun trip. We went to a lot of beaches, ate good food, and went to a few casinos. But the one thing I remember most from that trip is that my brother’s friend consistently talked about ‘eating booty’. This was in 2012 way before it was cool. Now, eating booty is one of the hottest trends these days, so they say. I’m not sure actually how many people eat the booty. It probably was a joke in a song and people took it literally. I’ve never participated in the art of eating the butt. My parents taught me better. I remember them specifically telling me, “don’t eat butthole” when I was a child. I’ll leave that for today’s youth, it’s a young kid’s game. They can eat all the booty they want or not. Why is it called eating booty when no one is actually eating it? No was eating chunks of booty meat. Isn’t it just licking the booty like it’s a popsicle? It’s probably how covid-19 started. Think about it. All these kids with healthy immune systems eat all this booty and have no ill side effects. Why wouldn’t they, they are asymptotic, so they keep doing it. Then those with pre existing conditions and weak immune systems get jealous and think they can try and get affected. I don’t really believe that, that’s crazy, but conspiracy theorists might. I feel like I need to put a disclaimer for every asinine comment I make. I do believe my friend was a pioneer in eating booty. We had daily conversations about it. He had it down to a science. He was so passionate about it, detailed every move and maneuver. I wish I didn’t get all the details but I did. I wish I remembered more about the rich history of Puerto Rico than my buddy talking about eating @ss.
your a such doll face
I’m not going to lie, I sleep with a Giannis doll. That’s not something you lie about. I actually got it for Christmas last year. So, I’ve been sleeping with Giannis for about 3 months now. We couldn’t be happier. I mean I couldn’t be happier. Even though there are no sports, I still have Giannis by my side, literally. Giannis is definitely getting me through these hard times. I would like to think my wife is getting jealous, but I’m not going to lie, she isn’t.
pulling back the curtains: Robert Horry
Everybody talks about Michael Jordan’s 6 rings. Robert Horry has 7. That’s the most of any player other than a member of the 1960 Celtics. Do the math. Actually, don’t do the math. Jordan is the best. I know he is, I’m just trying to ruffle some feathers. Robert Horry is one of 2 players to win a championship with 3 different teams (the other is John Salley). But where are there ESPN Last Dance documentaries? I’d love to watch a documentary on that. His nickname is ‘Big Shot Bob’ which sounds like it could be the name of a small townie bar in the Midwest. He was often criticized for not taking enough shots. It just goes to show you that it’s quality not quantity. Robert Horry. Was it karma… luck… skill? Probably a combination of all three. A true triple threat in many ways. One of the most prolific clutch shooters of all time who was not an all star. Next time you hit a big shot wether in it’s in a big game or in life you should be saying, “Horry”!
doogie howser moment
If your going to litter make sure it’s edible and not edibles. You can have a bucket list no matter your age, you never know when it’s your time. You can also sleep with a doll way into your adulthood, adults do way weirder things in life. Don’t buy a gun if you have a temper, but it is okay to buy a 20 year old cigarettes because they can drive, go to college, and vote. And if your going to lie… lie about eating a$$…I don’t want to hear it.