children’s game I don’t understand
Hungry Hungry Hippos
my reaction: You guys remember the game Hungry Hungry Hippos? I want to know how are all these hippos still hungry? You’re telling me after all these years that these hippos are still hungry? They just can’t seem to curb their appetite? They should be hangry now. I guess if your being fed a diet of marbles you would be too. These hippos are angry, mad, and ruthless. I would be scared to play this beloved children’s game. I might lose a hand to a very disgruntled hippo.
q aren’t code
I’m sick of QR codes. A QR code is a 2 dimensional black and white barcode that looks like a really poor planned Pac Man level. The employees always have to explain how to access it. “Just point your phone to the QR code, take a picture, and you will get all the information you need to know.” It could be a menu, job opening, or general information. The QR code is just a flier that leads you to an online flier. It seems a little bit arrogant. People are so happy to tell you about QR codes too. “Yep… just point your phone to that QR code it will lead you to a website of information instead me telling you what you need to know.”
weapon depot
Home Depot is the wrong place to piss a employee off. I wouldn’t want to be a manager there. Everything in the store can be used as a weapon. “Oh you want to steal from the company? Go ahead” “Oh your late… my fault.” “Oh you slept with my wife?… I’m sorry.” I don’t want to get beat up by a disgruntled employee with a piece of drywall to the face or a sink to the head. How embarrassing would it be to get beaten up by a fellow employee with a squeegee because you told him he needs to be on time for work?
respect your neighbors
I saw a sign on a strip club that said, “PLEASE RESPECT OUR NEIGHBORS”. This is the sign to the same clientele who are throwing money at women, slapping their butts, getting drunk, and objectfying them. You want them to respect the neighbors? The strip club manager is like “Hey… I don’t care what goes on inside but once you leave these doors. Be respectful. Don’t be too loud. People are trying to watch Netflix next door.”
just a guy and his dog
I feel like everyone meets the divorced old guy that lives alone with his dog and says, “yep… just me and my dog… she doesn’t talk back…doesn’t give me grief…let’s me be…”. It makes me wonder are you having sex with this dog? Should I be concerned for the well being of this dog? Someone needs to rescue all these dogs from single divorced men who live alone.
idiots guide
You know how there are those Complete Idiots Guide books that teach people about basic knowledge of a popular subject. It’s basically a how to book. I saw that they had The Complete Idiots Guide to Rock Climbing at Goodwill. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You can have an idiots guide to the stock market, computer programming, or accounting but not rock climbing. Rock climbing shouldn’t be done by an idiot. An idiot will die rock climbing. That’s a life or death experience. They should rename the book to The Complete Idiots Guide to Rock Climbing: Don’t Do It.
pulling back the curtains
Chet Aubuchon was raised in Gary, Indiana, as one of nine children. Aubuchon went to Michigan State in 1937 and began receiving national attention as a junior as he earned the nickname “The Houdini of the Hardcourt”. He was the first Spartans’ player to be named an All-American. Chet Aubuchon played briefly for the Detroit Falcons of the Basketball Association of America (BAA) in the 1946–47 season.
doogie howser moment
I think I might become one of those single old lonely men who replaces his wife with a dog, get a job at Home Depot, and then buy a house near a strip club so people will have to respect me because the strip club sign said so. I’ll keep to myself by going around zapping QR code’s with my smartphone like a hungry hungry hippo. Maybe I need to buy The Complete Idiots Guide to Being a Human in the Future if I think I should do anything I just wrote on the last paragraph.