from the observation desk
You ever go to the library and be like “that kid doesn’t need to be tutored… he has glasses.’
public pjs
I think it’s gross that the people wear pajamas in public. How do you sleep in the same clothes you wore all around town? You’re bringing all that “society” to bed. You might as well sleep on a park bench.
shaq food
Shaq has a new cookbook called Shaq’s Family Style: Championship Recipes for Feeding Family and Friends. Shaq does it all doesn’t he? That’s great he wants to cook for family and friends but I don’t want to cook for friends. I eat organic. Organic is very expensive. Only way I’m cooking for them is if I’m buying cheap ingredients. I can’t waste all of my hard earned money on quality food.
nut feeders
I saw someone buy a squirrel feeder at Wal Mart. You know you’re getting lonely when you’re trying to attract animals especially squirrels. Bird feeders are one thing. They’re socially acceptable. Birds fly in. Birds fly out. They’re aerial. Squirrels are a weird animal to attract. I’m not trying to attract squirrels. Squirrels are rodents. Rodents have jacked up teeth. I don’t need to look at jacked up teeth all day out my windows. I want to see natural beauty like a tree or something.
excuse me excuse you
I realize I say ‘excuse me’ a lot when I’m in public and no one else says it back. Am I really in people’s way that much? Am I a bad walker? Can I not walk in a straight line? I find it hard to believe that I’m at fault every time. There’s something else going on here. Maybe people are just scared to say excuse me. Maybe people don’t want to be wrong. I guess I’ll take the hit. Excuse me.
hot factory
I’m an okay looking guy. I’m not ugly. I’m not hot. I’m average. But when I enter a warehouse or factory of any sort I become hot. Factories are full of odd looking people. I’m not being conceited or cocky. I’m just being shallow. I’m no Bradley Cooper or Jared Leto. I’m factory hot. But if you throw me in a corporate office, I’m ugly. God awful. I don’t stand a chance with those guys. Factory= hot. Corporate office= ugly.
doogie howser moment
I can honestly say I’ve never worn pajamas in public. That’s like if someone wore a three piece suit to bed. It doesn’t make sense. I’ve never bought a squirrel feeder. I don’t want nasty buck teeth rodents looking at me through every window in the house. I’ll never waste organic food on my non organic friends. There bodies don’t care. They won’t miss it. Finally, I’ll give up all my hopes and dreams just to work in a factory so I can be attractive. I know all that sounded rude but it’s true, so excuse me.