# 129 “runts”

the strict stoner dad

You can’t be a stoner and a strict dad. How are you going to reprimand your kid? “Hey son… I’m upset you didn’t listen at school today….go to your room! But first let’s get dominoes. I have the munchies.”

banana runt

My penis looks like if a minion had a penis. I know minions don’t have wieners but if they did mine would resemble one. Its a “despicable me”. It’s curved like a banana but not the real size of a banana but a banana candy that’s in a runts pack. I don’t know why they are making banana flavored candy still. No one likes them. Is it just to take up volume in the bag? Is it just to make the other flavors more exciting like apple, strawberry, and grape? So I guess my wiener is like a banana in a runts package, it’s small and no one likes it.

sugar butt

I went to my dentist appointment and found out I had two cavities. I’m upset. I’m 40. That shouldn’t happen to someone in there 40s. I brush and floss daily. I avoid sugar at all costs. I don’t eat candy or drink soda. I don’t even eat banana runts. Can I get a second opinion on that? Is that something I can get a second opinion on? I brush my teeth for a good while too. I don’t understand. Maybe it’s all the a$$ I eat. There’s a lot of sugar in butt holes.

bed bottle

I get high in my bathroom before I go to bed. It help eases me before I sleep. My bathroom is my sanctuary. It’s my my man spa. I can sh*t, smoke, and spank it in the bathroom. One night after getting high in my bathroom my 4 month old daughter needed to be fed. So, I fed her while I was stoned. Not the best combo but I made the best of it. The bottle she had looked real good that night. I started getting the milk munchies. I wanted some formula of my own. I almost took a sip. It looked like a milkshake to me but it was just formula. I didn’t steal my baby’s formula, I’m not a monster, I’m just lactose intolerant.

hip bees

I got stung by a bee. Actually, I got stung twice. Once in the ankle and once in the stomach. I’m not sure if it was one bee or two bees. It hurt. I felt like I was being electrocuted. I think this bee was out to get to me. That bee must’ve had a bad day because it was vicious. Maybe the bee just broke up with another bee and wanted to take it out on me. It’s been itchy for several days. Did this bee give me a STD? I think it gave me bee crabs. I haven’t gotten stung by a bee since I was in 4th grade. I took it personal too. All these hippies saying, “save the bees”. Nope not anymore. They can die out. Spray all the chemicals. Kill them all.

recreational meds

We need to stop using the term medicinal marijuana. I’ve smoked medicinal marijuana and let me tell you it’s no different than recreational. I guess I can say ’ve had the time of my life on medicinal marijuana. I didn’t realize medicine can make you laugh. It’s the only medicine we do for fun. I’ve never been with my friends and they’ve offered me other forms of medicine like antibiotics or chemotherapy. I’ve never heard a bunch of hippies say “Hey bro you want to hit this chemo or I got some good penicillin.”

doogie howser moment

Getting stung by a bee sucks but I don’t know if it’s worse than having a minion d*ck. Why do you think I do medicinal marijuana? It helps me cope with my “short comings”. That’s all for now, I need to go, I have to go hit the bottle, the baby bottle. I think that’s where I’ve gotten all my cavities from. Darn formula.