question
Who’d be the better Doctor? Dr Dre or Dr. Peeper?
answer: Dr. Dre by a long shot. He makes beats that make people happy. Dr. Pepper causes diabetes. Also, Dr. Pepper is a drink and drinks don’t make good Doctors. How did the medical community allow a soda company to name a sugary drink after a medical profession? What’s next nurse practitioner orange soda?
binge pants
People have different clothes for different weather. There are shorts for warm weather, rain jackets for rain, and snow boots for snow. Just like how people wear different clothes for weather I have clothes for different occasions. I used to have my going out pants. They were black pants. They were my drunk pants. They were made for binge drinking. The pants would buffer all my mistakes from the previous night. The stains of gyros, beer, and blood wouldn’t look that bad when wearing black pants. If anything these pants enabled me, I should’ve worn white pants so I could see the truth.
drop it like it’s ……
If you’re dropping a baby off at someone’s front door because you don’t want it how do you know which house to pick? What’s your thought process? How do you pick the house? You obviously pick the house without a security camera. That’s the house you pick. If you care about the well being of your baby you drop it off in a rich neighborhood, but those are the houses with the most security cameras. So your chances of getting caught would be pretty high and that would embarrassing. “Hey! What are you doing?” “Umm… door dashing a baby?”
prepared different
I get annoyed when people talk about how they don’t like a certain food a certain way but they’ll eat it if it’s prepared different. These people act like they are unique like there’s something special about them. They’ll say, “I don’t like onions but I’ll eat onion rings. I don’t like peanut butter but a love of a handful of nuts. I don’t like eating @ss but I love oxtail.” They’ll follow up those statements with “Isn’t that weird about me? I must be different. That doesn’t make sense.” Okay who cares.
living single
I think I could be a single dad and enjoy it. I would get a nice 2 bedroom apartment with a heated garage downtown in area that’s just been gentrified. I came across this thought the other day when I was home with my 4 month old daughter and we were having the time of our lives. Just hanging out, dancing, laughing, and playing. It was the best. I didn’t miss the other part of my family for that hour. No offense family but it was therapeutic. But then she started crying and I immediately wanted my gf to come home. I no longer wanted to be a single dad just single.
scrubby
My dish scrubby has a smiley face on it. A dish scrubby is a sponge you keep near your sink to hand wash dishes with. I don’t think my scrubby would be smiling if it had a choice. It seems kinda forced. I don’t think that’s the face scrubbies make. I’m sure they are frowning with all the food scum they have to endure. They are constantly getting facialed by dirty plates, bowls, and silverware . “Ahh … another load to the face. Someone stop. Eat off a paper plate for once!”
doogie howser moment
It’s been 2 years since I’ve done any binge drinking, so I no longer have to wear my drinking pants. But if I did relapse I would use my dish scrubby to get all my night stains out. If I relapsed I would eat onions raw even if I hated onion rings. I wouldn’t care. I’d probably steal a baby off someone’s front porch if I saw an abandoned baby. Who steals a baby? “Isn’t that weird about me? I must be different. That doesn’t make sense.” Finally, I wouldn’t have to fantasize about being a single dad because I would be one.