a fact I made up that might be true
You can blink with your eyes closed.
know no notice
I tell my gf I “notice” girls looking at me on a weekly basis. It could be true or all in my head. I sometimes mistake common courtesy for being ‘hit on’. I could be wrong but have you ever smiled at an ugly person? Probably not. Even if you did smile at a ugly person you don’t smile that long. Maybe you give them a pity smile because they (ugly people) don’t get smiled at a lot. I tell my gf that girls are smiling at me even if it’s not true because I need to keep her on her toes. I need her to get jealous. I need her to be like “oh crap… I better treat my man right or else one of these hoes is going to snatch him up.”
the shocker
I bought a new flip phone again. Every year I get a new flip phone. I’m really surprised they make them and I’m really surprised I buy them. I dropped my last flip phone in the kitchen sink full of water. I watched it sink in a sink and boy did it stink. I’ve never owned a smart phone. I think I’ve taking my obsession with flip phones too far. I spent $99 on a flip phone. That’s the most I’ve ever spent on a flip phone. That just shows you how dedicated I am to the flip phone. There were cheaper smart phones there but I need to stay consistent with the flip phone person I am. The phone is called the Schok. At first I thought it was called Schuk as in all shucks but it’s actually the word Shock but spelled wrong. I think the company is in shock anyone would buy this piece of crap.
abundantly clear
Every month I go to my local library and get an audio book on self improvement. The newest book I got is Abundance: The Inner Path to Wealth by Deepak Chopra. He references the laws of Yoga in this book and how it relates to financial wealth. Honestly, I don’t get it. I haven’t finished it yet but it’s way over my head. Yoga has nothing to do with making money. I’m really confused on this book. I’ve done yoga to ground myself not to make money. I’ve never done a downward facing dog and got richer. I’ve never done a sun salutation and started making it rain. I know I’m butchering this book but don’t listen to me I’m nowhere close to finishing it. You should probably read the book, it’s a New York Times Best Seller.
polar ops
I have two stepdaughters one is sad and one is overly happy. I’m not sure which one is more depressed. The 8th grader has been moping around for the last 4 months. The overly happy one is talking every minute she has a chance. I think she stole all of the serotonin from the sad one. She straight hi jacked her dopamine. The happy one talks so much, I’m not sure how she breathes. Her heart rate has to be in the hypertension zone the way she talks. Geez…let us get a word in. I think that’s why the other one is depressed. The other one can’t get a word in. She has to bottle all of her emotions and thoughts because they happy one is talking so much. I think the one that is depressed is sad because she has to listen to all of the nonsense. The happy one never says anything with importance. It’s all about stuff that doesn’t matter. For example, “I don’t like peanuts but I like peanut butter only if that peanut butter is on a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich on whole wheat grain bread from Whole Foods that is lightly toasted but not toasted too much.”Ok now I’m depressed teen from listening to that.
scare muscles
Guys with huge muscles scare me. I’m intimidated by them. If I’m hanging out with a guy who’s strong I agree with everything they say even if I don’t. I don’t want to get pounded because I disagree with his views. You like protein whey. I like protein whey. You like wrestling. I like wrestling. You get that point. I’m not challenging a strong guy to anything. Things could go sour quick. Actually most strong guys are real nice. They probably were bullied when they were younger. They grow as these muscles so other people won’t pick on them. Ummm, it’s too late. You don’t get bullied by other adults like you do in middle school. All those big muscles are a waste. Your a waste. Now , I sound like a bully re-bullying those kids who got muscles. I should get beat up.
doogie howser moment
If you learned anything from this blog- it’s to get super jacked. You won’t be a depressed teen. You won’t have to listen to an audio book on abundance and get really confused. So, get super jacked and people will respect you. You could have a flip phone, but if you’re jacked, people won’t make fun of you. They’ll agree that’s a cool phone. If your jacked you’ll definitely get noticed by other women. You won’t have to make it up to get attention from your partner. It’ll be real. Get jacked and blink with your eyes closed.