I make stuff up
Did you hear that the rapper Lil Weezy is going to play the next Batman? He won’t be Bruce Wayne, he will be “Bruce Lil Wayne”.
you dropped the bomb on me
I feel like schools take bomb threats too seriously. I understand they have to, but how many times has it actually happened? The school adminstration is too optmistic about their students intelligence. Your kids arn’t that smart to make a bomb. No one is paying attention in science class, especially the kid who might make the bomb. The only thing they know how to do is a Tik Tok dance, eat Cheetos, and flip a water bottle. The kids who are making these threats are just trying to get out of school to skip the math test because they don’t want to fail. No kid is making a bomb. Kids don’t even know how to cook noodles. You think they are going to hot wire a homemade bomb out of a paper clip and baking soda. Get out of here.
new sad
I’m starting to dislike the new generation of depressed people. Get over yourself. It’s getting old. Make a change in your life. Mental Health is exhausting. “I’m sad… wah wah…”. We all are. You’re not alone. All of these ‘depressed’ people saying they are depressed on social media. The real depressed people don’t have the energy to do that. The real depressed people arn’t on social media. They are hiding under their covers shaking in their room scared of society. Not posting pictures of them 24/7. Don’t give fake sad people attention.
yuck-arist
I remember going to church when I was younger and they would give out Eucharist. Eucharist is the part of church where they give you a snack. It’s where they give you the “body of christ” in the form of a stale wafer. It’s common in the Catholic church. I look back at this practice and I’m a little disgusted. People would all line up, walk to the front of the church and then the priest with his dirty ‘holy hands’ would give you a wafer. He did this for the whole congregation. Some people would put there mouth out and the priest would have to stick it in there mouth. WTF is going on here? Feed yourself. I sure hope he used hand sanitizer before giving us the ‘body of christ’. If they want people to come back to church, they need to start using spicing up those wafers. They need a Flaming Hot Cheetos wafer. People would definetly eat the body of christ then. People would all drink out of the same wine cup too. I’m suprised there wasn’t a cold sore outbreak at church.
extra extra
I want to be in a porn movie. I believe that was every boy’s fantasy growing up. I just wanted to do it so I can have sex. You get paid to have sex? Sign me up. I would be a method actor. I would play my role authentically. But it wouldn’t last long. The director would fire me the first day and demote me to being a extra. I’d just be the guy in the background walking his dog or emptying his garbage. The more I think about it I don’t want to be the porn star. I don’t want people to watch me in action. I would get made fun of. I actually just wanted to be the extra in the porn movie.
fake firefighter
You know how they have fantasies in porn movies with a fake firefighter. A ‘firefighter’ would come to the house and say, “We got a call that it’s getting too hot here. We need to put that fire out.” Then the firefighter would have sex with the girl at the house even though there was never a fire. I wouldn’t be the fake fireman, I’d be the real fireman in a porn movie. I’d be like, “I’m here to put the fire out. I’m not going to have sex with you.” That’s what I would say if the girl was ugly. “Yeah we got a call and we need to check your smoke alarm”. Then I would run out of the house before she tried to catch me. I guess that wouldn’t be a porn movie then. It would be a different story if she was hot. I would start stripping away my firefighter clothes and put that “fire” out quick. I just want to practice fire safety.
doogie howser moment
I know I’ll never be an extra in a porno and I’m okay with that. Maybe I I need to go to church because of my porn fantasies. The only way I’m going back to church is if they have flaming hot wafers during Eucharist. I can see all the church goers complain that the wafer is too spicy. They’ll end up having mental health issues from church and become depressed. In closing, I can’t wait to see the fictional Bruce Lil Wayne thwart school bomb threats in his first role as Batman.