drug kid
You should drug your kids. If your kid is not sleeping, you should give them melatonin. It’s technically a dietary supplement but it’s much more fun saying drug. It’s a “drug” that will put your kid to sleep. Start supplementing, I mean ‘drugging’ your kids now.
e friendly
I learned that people at work are very different via email and in person. It’s as if they have 2 identities. I notice people are real friendly on email but when you see them in real life they are duds. They are even quite oft putting. They are super outgoing over email which I didn’t know you could be. How can you be outgoing electronically? But then when you see them in person they are boring. Where’s the person talking in exclamations when I see them in real life? Where’s the guy saying, “Thanks!” or “Awesome!”. All I get is a boring “hey” in real life.
flat theory
There are a lot of topics people debate that have no effect on the outcome of their lives. One of those topics is the flat earth theory. The flat earth theory will not affect anyone’s life. I don’t care if it’s round, flat, or triangle. Why are we debating this? Who cares. Does it affect our daily routine? No. Has anyone fallen off earth? No. Has anyone ever traveled all of Earth to know? I don’t know. I see both points but I lean towards it’s round. How can the Earth be flat if it has mountains? I think that was a dad joke. But then again how can the Earth be round if it can sustain water? Have you ever put water on a basketball and it stayed there? Wouldn’t the water fall off? Now I’m debating myself. I can’t believe I’m debating this with myself. I don’t even know what side to pick. All I’m saying is that there’s more important topics like who’s Team Jacob and who’s Team Edward?
dance for me
I need people to be super excited to see me. I need smiles, hugs, and overall general excitement. I need my own personal celebration like I won something. I want them to jump around and dance. I need people to bring balloons and a kazoo and act like it’s my birthday. I want them to sing a song in honor of my presence. If I don’t get that I take it personal. The power of validation.
wiener basket
My step daughter threw away a handful of little smokies wadded up in a napkin in my bathroom trash bin. If you don’t know what lil smokies are, they are little wienies. Not sure what the motive was here. Was she stress eating in my bathroom? I wouldn’t eat food in my bathroom, it’s gross, especially if it’s mini hot dogs. I took it as a sign of disrespect. I like to to take things personal. Hot dogs are probably one of the worst foods invented. Why didn’t she use the kitchen trash bin? I don’t put my used toilet paper from my bathroom in the kitchen garbage bin. I’m against throwing away food in bathroom trash bins. Food does not belong in bathrooms especially little wieners.
seat check
I love watching a good Thriller/Suspense movie. There’s always a scene in the movie where an unsuspecting victim will get in there car at night and there will be someone hiding in the backseat who puts a knife or gun to their head. How does this person not see someone in there backseat? I don’t care how good at hide and seek someone is, you should be able to see if someone is in your backseat even if it’s tinted. With that being said I’m always prepared to see if someone is in my backseat of my car ready to slit my throat. I always check the backseat of my car before I get in. I will tap the back window and say, “Anyone in there? Hello? Please don’t kill me.” I just want to make sure the coast is clear while I’m leaving the Whole Foods parking lot that someone won’t rob me for my cucumbers and carrots.
doogie howser moment
The only reason I can write this blog is because I drug my kids to sleep. No, I write this blog in between checking my emails from my wonderful/boring coworkers. I should drug whoever put lil smokies in my bathroom garbage bin because that pissed me off. I don’t know for sure who did it but I’ll find out. It’ll be a suspense/thriller trying to find out who did it. I’m going to hide in the trunk of our car and have their mom ask her daughters about the hot dogs when she picks them up from school. I know this is trivial but this is something that matters to me, not if Earth is flat or round, but who puts food in my garbage. If I find out who put the lil smokies in my garbage I’m going to dance like I want someone to dance for me.