#15 like Chris Gatling

overheard in a conversation I was in

“You should really be wearing shoes”- my neighbor telling me something important while I was mowing the lawn

My reaction: Does he think I’m going to lose a foot? I am not going to lose a foot. It’s highly unlikely. Doesn’t this guy know about “Earthing”? Earthing is when you ground yourself to the Earth by walking barefoot in grass for 20 minutes. It is supposed to relieve inflammation. I’m trying to get “un inflamed”. I wish I stood my ground, but I caved in and took his advice, he’s an ex cop. So, I now wear shoes when I mow. Sometimes you got to choose your battles, and in my case, I choose no battles, again and again and again.

hair muffin

My 12 year old step daughter has really gotten into baking. She decided it was time to make muffins. I love a good muffin. I should say I used to love a good muffin. You ever have something you loved ruined by something so small. Small things can make big impact. I was halfway through eating a muffin when I felt a strand of tween hair in my teeth. I could’ve handled an eyelash in my muffin because it’s miniscule and you could make a case that it’s your eyelash. You can’t justify that a 6 inch piece of blonde hair in your muffin is yours when you have short dark black hair. I slowly pulled this strand of hair like it was leftover floss in my teeth. It slowly caressed my lips but in the most horrible way possible that something can caress your lips. I wanted to vomit but I didn’t. I had to throw the muffin out. The worst part of it was that it was a real good muffin….until the hair.

bat crap

There is a lot of research that some scientists suggest that Covid came from a bat whose ‘droppings’ infected animals at a ‘live farm market’ in Wuhan. If this is true why didn’t any notice bat crap on the animals they were butchering? I’ve never seen bat crap but I think I have a good idea what it looks like. Poop is poop. Your telling me no one noticed bat sh*t all over their meat? If some animal crapped on another animal I would not sell that animal. I like to think I act in good faith. I would not consume it either. This is more reason to go vegan unless bats start crapping on Kale then the hipsters are doomed. And if there’s one thing we can’t afford to lose is another hipster.

hot post

I know the answer to this but I still ask myself why. Why do hot people post pics of them on social media of them being hot? You notice I didn’t say ugly people posting hot pics of themselves because that doesn’t exist. What’s the point your trying to get across? Don’t you think one pic of you being hot is enough? Did you get hotter from last week? Did your hotness change? What’s your message your trying to convey other than you have been blessed with good looks? You’re doing a dis service to people who are ugly. It causes depression. You can be all the hot you want hot people, just do it the confines of your home. You can cook food and be sexy. You can be sassy while your vacuuming. You can be a little tease while folding laundry. Just stop being hot on the internet,your causing teens to be depressed and giving me unwanted boners that I have to explain to my gf that weren’t the effect of her.

no escape

I saw a Groupon for an Escape Room.  Who the hell wants to do an Escape Room now?  That’s the last thing I want to do right now.  I don’t need to be locked in a small room with people I know.  I have been in an Escape Room for the last 3 months… my house.  

everyone is a failure

I love watching Fail Videos, which in my generation was America’s Funniest Videos, now they’re called “Fail Videos”. A fail video is usually someone of any age falling while doing an activity. It’s always someone falling and it never gets old. Why is falling so funny? I can’t answer that question. The best part of fail videos is not the person falling but the person recording the video. The person is never concerned with the person who has fallen and hurt themselves. The person recording just keeps filming while they could’ve helped the person that’s fallen but they don’t. They just add their side comments like “yep… I totally got that on tape” while a person just broke a leg. Or better yet they laugh which just adds injury to insult or shall I say insult to injury. I love fail videos because the person filming fails to help the person who failed. I feel like the USA is just one big fail video that’s on repeat over and over again.

pulling back the curtains on Chris Gatling

Gatling was drafted 16th overall by the Golden State Warriors in the 1991 NBA draft. In 1994-95 season, Gatling led the NBA in field goal percentage at 0.633-one of the ten highest percentages in NBA history. In 1997 he was selected as an All Star. Gatling retired from professional basketball following the 2001–02 season with career averages of 10.3 points and 5.3 rebounds per game, and a .513 field goal percentage. Gatling is best known for wearing a headband. Not known as a trendsetter but was one of the first headband wearers in the NBA. He wore it as a reminder that he was lucky to be alive after suffering a head injury as a teen. Maybe, we should all have an item of gratitude. Yours doesn’t have to be a headband, it could be a bracelet, a ring, or a condom.

doogie howser moment

People stop posting hot pictures of yourself because your insecurities are making other people’s insecurities worse. The only people that should post hot pics are ugly people. You can mow the grass with no shoes on there’s not a law against it. If you go to an escape room during a pandemic don’t bother coming out, just stay there, your not being a productive member of society. Look before you buy something. Make sure there isn’t bat crap on your meat because you could save the world. If your filming your friend fall, don’t help them out, keep filming, it’s funny. And lastly, always check your muffins for hair.