a gift I received for me 41st birthday
a stuffed animal
my reaction: I got Yoshi from Super Mario Brothers. It’s great, now I have someone I can spoon. You’re never too old to spoon a stuffed animal.
young gramma
My gf is such a grandma and she isn’t even close to being one. She is ready to be a grandma. She was born to be a grandma. I think she only had kids so she can be a grandma. She is such an old soul. She goes to bed when it’s still light out. She likes hard candy. She wears granny panties. She is a sweet old lady stuck in a young person’s body. I can’t wait until I’m an old grouchy grandpa. She will listen to me grump about my day and just say “there there… take it easy and drink your meal replacement.’ I can picture her looking like Mrs. Clause wearing an old apron and sitting in a rocker while she is waiting for the chocolate chip cookies to bake. I’m set to be an old person.
tear me up
I want people to cry at my funeral. I don’t want a celebration of life. I don’t want people celebrating when I’m dead. I’m so sensitive that I would take the celebration of life the wrong way. “Yes! Curt is dead!”. I would feel salty. I want my family and friends to cry, sob, and mourn. I want them to go all out in tears. I want someone banging on my casket saying, “Don’t take him! Take me! Bring him back!!!” I want to hear agony. I want it to be real dramatic. Please cry for me at my funeral, it’ll make me feel better about dying.
roll down
As I was driving home from work one day I looked over while at a stoplight and saw a girl crying. She was in her car with her boyfriend. I should’ve minded my own business but I was so curious to see why this girl was crying. So, I slowly rolled down the windows so that I could hear. I wanted to know more about the situation. I was intrigued by what was going on. I felt bad because she was crying and she was also not good looking. Double whammy. The light turned green and I accelerated but noticed she was going slow. I assume all those tears were slowing her down. I’ll never know what she was crying about and it bugs me to this day.
apps on apps
I notice that every fast food place I go to has stacks upon stacks of job applications. I was at Qdoba and they had a 3 inch stack of paper applications. I thought applications were all online. They are essentially handing out applications to customers. Hey, if you eat here enough you should just work here. Applications are also one page now. They used to be 3 pages long at fast food places. I remember filling one out back in the day. It was such a long process. Are you sure this isn’t a college application? I shouldn’t have to write an essay on why I want to flip burgers. Anyways I thought about applying to Qdoba just to see if I could get the job. But I didn’t apply because I didn’t want to feel rejected if I didn’t get the job.
bad munchies
I smoke weed just so I will eat the food in my house I don’t like. We have so much food that I don’t want to go to waste that I will just get high to eat it. I’ll eat the can of lima beans, creamed corn, and shrimp ramen noodles just to get rid of it. I used to get high and get good munchies. I would go to Wendy’s and order a couple of double stacks, 5 piece nuggets, fries, and a frosty all in one setting. We would go on doughnut runs to Dunkin Doughnuts. I used to eat like a machine when I was younger but now that I’m older I’m healthy. I gave up fast food, I’m lactose intolerant, and don’t eat sugar. My munchies include almonds, berries, cucumber, and carrots. I don’t need to eat food that’s already good when I’m high, I just eat plain food because the munchies will make it that much better. I drink water and it tastes like I’m drinking one of the best elixirs known to man. It taste like heaven itself.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I think I’m more mature on weed than being sober. I wish I wasn’t so mature while on marijuana. I used to have fun. Now I’m more mature while on marijuana then when I’m sober. I wouldn’t have rolled down my car window to hear someone cry if I was on weed. I don’t think of my impending death and wanting people to cry at my funeral on weed. I don’t think of applying to Qdoba on weed. On weed I just eat all the food my grandma gf buys because no one else will eat the can of beans in our cupboard. Lastly, I don’t spoon my Yoshi stuffed animal on weed, I’m mature, mature on weed.