something I need to do before I go to bed
close the toilet lid
my reaction: I’m not OCD or anything. I’m just scared something will pop out of the toilet and attack me in my sleep if I don’t close the lid. I also don’t want pee fume to make it’s way into my room. I guess I could I just flush the toilet before I go to bed. I don’t want the scent of urine to be infused in my nostrils before I fall asleep.
bummer bird
There is a bird that keeps flying into our living room window repeatedly. It’s happened at all times of the day but especially the morning. I’m surprised it hasn’t killed itself yet. It’s either stubborn or really depressed. Maybe the bird broke up with it’s mate or on drugs. The thud of it flying into our window has been irritating. I’ve tried talking to the bird to let it know that it shouldn’t be doing it but it continues anyway. At this point I hope the bird does die.
power poser
I’m trying to work on having good posture but it’s been very tough to do. It does not feel natural. It feels very robotic. I don’t like rolling my shoulders back and puffing my chest out. It feels like I got a turd stuck in my butt. I’d rather slouch and meander when I walk. There’s too much expectations when you walk with posture. Posture is overrated. I don’t want to exude confidence everywhere I go. I just want look normal when I’m at the grocery store. I just want to pick my apples in a non confident manner. I want to pump gas at the gas station in a non threatening way. I don’t always want to look like I’m confident, that’s for losers.
clean house
I’m currently in between jobs right now so I’ve been home a lot. My bathroom has never been cleaner. I was used to cleaning my bathroom once a week when I did have a job, but now that I don’t, I clean it three times a week out of boredom. The silver lining of losing your job is that you will have time to have an extra clean toilet. I could drink water out of my toilet if I wanted to. My toilet bowl is so clean I would do a line of cocaine off it if I did cocaine. I would bathe my baby in it. I would give her a nice bubble bath. Ok, I think I took it too far. I wouldn’t bathe my baby in it but I wouldn’t mind if the the toilet water accidentally splashed on my body.
ugly cool
While at the playground with my two year old daughter a 16 year old kid told me I had cool hair. He said he wished he had my hair. I told him he should grow it out but he said he gets a haircut once a week. I told him it’s easy to grow out. He said he didn’t want to go through the ugly stage of growing out long hair. I looked at his DIY haircut and thought ‘well you kind’ve already are ugly’. I didn’t know there was an ugly stage of growing out here. I guess I was ugly for a period of time while I grew out my hair. I hope I’m not in that ugly stage now.
eclipse my eyes
The solar eclipse was last week. Someone reminded me to not look directly at the sun. I was offended. I know you’re not supposed to look at the sun. I’ve accomplished many things in my life. I graduated college. I’ve worked my way up at multiple jobs. I’m a father. I’ve done a lot of things in my life that required common sense. After hearing what that person said it made me not want to look at the solar eclipse. Screw the sun. I love the sun but not on solar eclipse day. I decided to skip the solar eclipse.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I’m glad I lost my job. I’ve been able to enjoy life for a week. I have a extra clean toilet. I’ve gotten to spend time at the playground and get compliments on my hair. I’ve been able to skip the solar eclipse. I’ve been able to hear a bird run into window repeatedly at my house. Maybe that dumb bird looked at the solar eclipse and can’t see. I know one thing is for sure is that bird needs to get flushed down my toilet.