something that ruins my day
missing a potential fight between my gf and her daughter
my reaction: It’s the best reality show on Earth. There are no commercials or ads. You don’t have to turn on a TV. It’s a live action verbal fight between two real people. However, lately all of the fights have become predictable. They both will make their stance, the daughter will cry for an hour, and then the mom will give in to what the fight was about. It defeats the whole purpose of the fight. It’s becoming stale. They need to step up their arguments or they will be canceled next season.
old man me
I want to be a content old person sitting on park bench. I see so many old people just sit on a park bench just staring at nothing. They don’t have a phone, a book, or anything. It’s just themselves and a tree. They are just staring off in la la land. I want to be so bored in life that doing that entertains me. What a simple life. I want to acheive the happiness of just sitting on the bench. They are so content on a park bench. Everyone else is glued on their phone watching dumb videos while an old person is just taking in the sights, sounds, and weather. I want to fast forward and be elderly.
creep guard
I took my 6-year-old swimming to an indoor pool on the hottest day of the year. There was no one else in the pool but us and the lifeguard watching us. It’s creepy when there is only one lifeguard on duty and you’re the only ones in the pool because by law he is required to watch you and only you. I was getting a little uncomfortable by all the watching. I can watch my own son in the kiddy pool. It’s only 3 feet of water. You don’t need to stare at us the whole time. I wish there were other people in the pool that day so he didn’t have to stare at us.
light night
My gf is a light sleeper. I’m scared to enter the bed at night after she falls asleep. She will go to bed at 9 and I will go to bed at 10. I feel like I have to sneak into my own bed. I feel like a teenager sneaking back inside the house after getting home late. It’s almost like I have a bed curfew. She is the bed warden. Lights out at 9:00 or else. I just want parole. I want to be able to get into my bed without fear of being punished. It’s stressful to climb into bed. Going to bed is supposed to be one of the most relaxing things in life but for me it’s torture.
kidz bop
You know life is good when you start listening to Kidz Bop and enjoy it. I have a 2-year-old so I guess it’s better than listening to nursey rhymes over and over again. I used to never like Kidz Bop but now the more I listen to it I love it. Those kids can sing. I mean those ‘kidz’ can sing. It’s wierd listening to kids sing about adult issues but I don’t care. Talent is talent. If you want to be happy in life just listen to Kidz Bop. You will be bopping your head all night long.
morning breath
What’s up with morning breath? Why does our breath stink when we wake up? The last thing I do before I go to bed is brush my teeth. My breath should smell minty when I wake up. Why does my butt smell better than my mouth when I wake up? Instead of morning breath I should have “AM an*l” or a “rise and shine sphincter”. Why doesn’t my crotch smell horrible? I should have a wake-up wiener but I don’t. All those parts smell great which makes me wonder if a spider is defecating in my mouth when I sleep.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I just want to be entertained in a simple way. I can only listen to only so much Kidz Bop before I need to sneak in my bed and call it a night. I want to witness verbal altercations between my gf and daughter while sitting on a park bench. I don’t want people to watch me swim like how I watch my gf argue with her daughter. I just want to be simply entertained even if that means smelling my own morning breath.