a new term I call people
room temperature
my reaction: I call people room temperature if they complain a lot. These people are only okay if everything is at room temperature. They only feel good when everything is perfect. The thing is it will never be room temperature. I’m room temperature.
fermented dew
My gf and I were on vacation in Door County this past week and we had to share a bathroom. I don’t mind but I do mind when she doesn’t flush the toilet. It looked like she was fermenting kombucha in our toilet. It looked like sour Mountain Dew. I usually don’t look at her pee at our house because at home we have our own bathrooms. The pee stench was rancid. It looked like she juiced corn in there it was so yellow. I’m glad we have our own bathrooms at home. It’s saves me from huffing her pee.
stone power
While on vacation I went to a stone and gem store. I like looking at all the gems and stones. The colors are beautiful. However, I don’t necessarily think they have magical powers like they say they do. They sell gem stone bracelets that make claims that they can enhance love, calm anxiety, and increase fertility. Those are some pretty extravagant claims. I don’t know if wearing a bracelet is going to make me a Latin lover. It will definitely not make me less stressed unless the bracelet is injecting THC in me. I especially don’t think wearing a bracelet will make me more fertile unless I’m wearing that bracelet without a condom.
swim itch
I got swimmers itch for the first time. It’s a parasite from the lake. Swimmers itch is an itchy stingy feeling you get when you swim in a nasty lake. I wasn’t even swimming in the lake. I was just wading in the lake. I just dipped my toes in. Nothing else. My legs were the only area that were affected. It felt like I got a STD. I got all these red bumps on me. I got a lake STD. I got an STD from a minnow. These minnows are gross and need to practice safe sex.
new spot
Ever go to a new place and it’s not even that cool but you want to move there because they have one thing you like. I wanted to move to Winthrop Harbor, Illinois because they had a kombucha tap room. It was a town of 6000. It was full of dive bars. It had a dollar general as its main attraction. It was also home to one of America’s most polluted beaches. This is the place I wanted to call home all because they had a place where I could get kombucha. In reality, I probably wouldn’t even go there that much. It was cool because it was new.
auto incorrect
If you have a smart phone you are always being corrected. It’s like having a stern teacher in your pocket. You can’t misspell a word. It’s gives you no freedom to make mistakes. It will tell you if something you did is wrong. It will tell you where to go. It will give you every answer you need. It’s smarter than you. I don’t want something smarter than me. It would make me feel inferior. That’s why I have a flip phone. I doesn’t judge me. It allows me to make mistakes. It makes me feel superior.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I enjoyed my vacation to Door County even though I got swimmers itch and had to share a bathroom that turned into a kombucha factory that went out of business. I probably should’ve used my gf’s pee as a remedy for my itch. I wish they made a gem bracelet that cured swimmers itch. Overall, I don’t want to move here. I got a lake std and it wasn’t room temperature. This blog was written without auto correct.