something i did that i haven’t done in 20 years

go on a camping trip

my reaction: At first, I was hesitant to go. I’ve become an old man in his 40s who just wants to stay at Airbnb when I travel but I went. It was my version of a spiritual retreat, to get in tune with nature, and to reset. It was an excuse to be around men who haven’t showered.

8 guys

I went on a canoe/camping trip with 8 guys. All my friends drank except me. I was worried about everyone getting obnoxiously drunk and then I would’ve been hazed. I thought they were going to knock down my tent, pee on me, and bully me. They didn’t any of that. They were quite respectful. Prepare for the worst and expect the best. In reality, everyone ended up running out of beer at around 10:30 am.

curt yurt

I don’t think I ever put up a tent by myself. I thought you had to be a seasoned camper to put up a tent. You don’t have to. You just have to follow directions. Honestly, it’s just inserting 2 poles and the tent is popped. My tent was never used before. To my surprise it was bright pink. Kind of an odd color for a tent. I wish it was a dark green tent. Those tents look more campy. My pink tent looked like it belonged to Barbie. It took away from the ultimate camping experience. I put my camp about 50 yards from our camp site. I didn’t want people to find me at night even though it was hot pink.

ez camp

Camping is actually pretty easy. Camping is sitting around a lot. If you can sit, you can camp. It’s sitting and talking. Camping also involves eating a lot of chips. All my friends ate a lot of chips. I didn’t eat one single chip. They ate brats, hot dogs, and Subway. I brought wild rice, 3 boiled eggs, and a protein bar. My meal was highly nutritious. I wanted to have energy because we canoed for 7 miles. Canoeing is a pretty simple task. It’s one motion. However, me and my canoe partner were always last. I guess I’m not a great rower. I even looked at tips on how to paddle and about different strokes. I wanted to be prepared but apparently it didn’t matter.

sand trap

I ended up pooping on a sand bar off the river. There are no toilets or port o potties. I ended up digging a hole in the sand and letting it rip. It took me a few tries because my friends were watching. They were watching from a distant. They weren’t a couple yards away. After I was done I buried my fecal matter and tp in the sand. I probably should’ve went a little further from our camp site but I didnt. No harm was done. Our site did not smell like excrement. In retrospect I should’ve poop around my tent site to ward off animals and my drunk friends.

fire talk

Sitting around the campfire is probably the best thing about camping. Campfire talk with 8 guys is likely to go sour. It’s like ‘locker room’ talk in nature. Anything goes. It gets wierd. It’s not PC. Nothing is off limits. You are out in the elements thinking of vile comments. It gets to the point where people are disgusted. The ‘would you rather’ game is always played. It’s never would you rather eat a carrot or cucumber. It’s always ‘would you rather jam a carrot or cucumber up your butt’. I’m glad the camping trip is over and I could back to my family so I could be a mature middle aged man.

doogie howser moment

In conclusion, I would go camping again. It was the most stress free weekend but also the most uncomfortable due to sleeping on the ground with no mat. It was fun to have campfire talk. No one judged me for bringing healthy food, not drinking, or having a pink tent. I was able to be free from the judgement of society. I will definitely go camping again so I can poop in the woods without anyone caring.