overheard in a conversation I was in last week
“how many kids do you have?”- my dad
my reaction: It’s a legitimate question for someone I haven’t talked to in years even though he is my father. Plus, I don’t have social media and he doesn’t either. He left a message and said, “Curt Pochert… this is Gary Pochert”. You know…so there could be no confusion on who he was and who he was calling. You always have to state your first and last name when calling your child. In the end, I told him I have 2 step daughters, a son, and possibly an alley baby from my college days. Just kidding about the latter… maybe.
thru thick and thin thick
My 7th grade step daughter was upset after basketball practice because her coach said she was “one of the bigger girls”. I think he meant it as in the tall way not the fat way. Either way, you should never say a girl is big. It’s a no win situation. I can’t believe he said that because he’s a #girldad himself. Anyways, she was fuming when she got home but managed to reframe the comment into something positive. She said, “I’m not big… I’m thick… and boys like that… right Curt?” I looked right to left saying,“Ummm….”. I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t agree because her mother was right there and I couldn’t disagree because her mother was right there. I was in a no win situation.
cool smells
Remember when it was cool to be the first person to recognize someone in public was smoking weed? You’d be like, “it smells like weed… someone is getting high…ohh…weee… there smoking that good stuff”. It gave you street cred even though you didn’t smoke but it made you seem like you did though . You had no idea if it was good or bad weed but you acted like you did. I still love being the first person to recognize someone smelling weed. It still makes me feel cool. I like people to think I’m cool because I know what pot likes.
groupon hardon
I get Groupon emails sent to me daily. I like to peruse these so called savings to see what dumb stuff people are getting deals on. I saw a deal for Male Excel which is the generic version of Viagara. It even states that on their deal “generic version of Viagara”. If I had a difficult time getting hard I don’t want to take the generic version. I’ll take the generic version of Quaker oats but not when it comes to my boner. That doesn’t sound like a deal to me. Groupon will even tell you how much people have already bought this coupon. It said that over 5,000 people bought Male Excel. Is that supposed to give me consumer confidence? That just means that 5,000 people made 5,000 mistakes. Have some standards guys. Don’t you care about the quality of hard on you get? Go ahead…take Male Excel and see if you “excel”. I feel like you would get a bootleg looking boner. It would look crooked, be soft, and probably shrink in size. Don’t buy generic it when it comes to the family jewels. If you can’t get a boner then maybe you should get a new girl.
veggie adjective
These food companies are mischievous in their marketing especially Subway. You notice how restaurants try to make veggies sound cool by using an hip adjective. Subway has a sandwhich with no meat called the “Veggie Delite” and it’s trademarked! No one else can have a sandwich called “veggie delite” and spell “delight” wrong like Subway can. Sorry Subway, there is no delight in having veggies. Stop trying to trick me in thinking your Veggie sub is going to bring me happiness because it isn’t. You’ve never heard of the Meatball Marvelous or Ham Fantastic because it’s meat, and meat stands on it’s own, it doesn’t need adjectives.
finger and a toe
People seem to really undervalue their arm and leg. You ever talk to one of your disgruntled neighbors who are not happy about purchasing a new appliance, they always say, “it cost me an arm and leg”. How is the price of a dishwasher an “arm and leg?”. Your totaling undervaluing your arm and leg. Buying a new refrigerator should only cost you a ‘finger and a toe’ not ‘an arm and leg’. You know what costs an arm and a leg, if your attacked by a shark that ate your arm and a leg. Stop being insensitive to shark attack victims when buying a something that makes your life easier disgruntled neighbor.
pulling back the curtains
Shareef Abdur-Rahim was selected by the Vancouver Grizzlies in the 1996 draft with the 3rd overall pick. Abdur-Rahim shared the NBA record for most games played without making a playoff appearance. He was an NBA All Star in 2002. In 2000, Abdur-Rahim was selected as a replacement for the injured Grant Hill to be part of the USA Men’s basketball team. Hey, however you can make the team. He became the sixth-youngest player in NBA history to reach 10,000-points. He was also Nicknamed “Reef” which i guess is better than “Queef”.
doogie howser moment
If you have to take one thing from this blog…. don’t buy generic boner pills. Guys don’t buy them. Girls don’t buy them. No one buy them. Because it might cost you an arm and a leg, but more importantly it might cost you your penis.