something all parents say
“tire them out”- in reference to their kids
my reaction: The main goal of parents is to tire their kids out. Ask any parent at the play ground why they brought their kids and they’ll have the same response, “get them tired…. tire them out…” I’ve been guilty of saying that. I think we all have. It’s almost like parents just want their kids to be tired and have no energy 24/7. I want to do the same thing with my gf by calling her boss and saying, “Work her hard… keep her running around the office… get her tired.”
dead skin
I heard it’s good to exfoliate your skin because it removes all your dead skin cells. So with that being said, I’ve started exfoliating my butt cheeks. I don’t need dead skin on my butt. I don’t want dead butt. My butt is already hanging on for dear life. I’m trying to get that butt back to being reputable. My butt cheeks are already sensitive, so it hurts when the exfoliation process takes place, but no pain no gain.
hand can
My step daughter has done it again. She has diagnosed herself with something that doesn’t even exist. She just recently diagnosed herself with hand cancer because her hand was red. I don’t know. It looked fine to me. I’m sure hand cancer is a thing. I don’t want to Google it. I guess you can insert any body part and have cancer, you know like finger nail, eyelash, or knee cancer. An 8th grader shouldn’t be worried about cancer yet. She should be worried about pimples but then again she would say she has pimple cancer.
clean as a goat
I was at Whole Foods and noticed that they sell Goat’s Milk Soap which is soap made from goat’s milk. I’m not washing myself with goat. I’m not cleaning myself with something that I’ve eaten. What’s wrong with us? You ever seen a goat? They are dirty. They look like sheep but uglier. I might as well just buy a few gallons of cow milk and shower with some 2%.
house arrest
My friend is on house arrest for getting a OWI. OWI means operating while intoxicated. You know how many things I’ve operated under the influence. I’ve operated a washing machine drunk, a blender drunk, a lawnmower drunk. I’ve never gotten a OWI for that. He’s on house arrest which seems to be the easiest form of being arrested. You have all your stuff. You can order out. Play video games. Watch movies. You could throw a party if you wanted. I bet the judge felt good when he said, “I sentence you to 10 days on house arrest.” Justice served.
education vibes
My stepdaughters are eager to go to school in the morning. It’s not because they want to learn, they want to hang out with friends. I don’t think they are like, “I really want to get school early to learn. I can’t wait to see who won World War 2. I’ve lost sleep over thinking about who won that war. I also can’t wait for Math class and do long division. School is going to be lit af. Education vibes all day.”
pulling back the curtains
Juan Toscano-Anderson went undrafted in the 2015 NBA draft but currently plays for the Golden State Warriors. His current jersey number of 95 is a tribute to his boyhood home on Oakland’s 95th Avenue. He played college basketball for the Marquette Golden Eagles. He was a member of Mexican national basketball team at the 2016 FIBA World Olympic Qualifying Tournament in Turin, Italy.
doogie howser moment
I always tend to look forward to things rather than live in the present moment. If I’m exfoliating my a$$ cheeks then I should devout my time to being in that moment. I shouldn’t be worrying about if I’m going to get hand cancer like my step daughter. If my gf buys me goat soap then let it be. If I’m ever on house arrest I will live in the present moment not thinking about how much “fun” the outside world is having. Starting now I will start living in the present moment. By the way, I can’t wait for next week.