my weekly observation
I was in line at the grocery store and there was a guy with a earpiece in buying corn dogs.
cold announcement
My gf is great at telling our kids how cold it’s going to be for the day. Every day she has to tell everyone how cold it is. We all get it. It’s winter. It’s cold. I understand you get easily cold but don’t put that burden on us just because you have low iron counts. We don’t need a amateur meteorologist telling us it’s going to be cold. I assume it’s going to be cold for the next 3 months. It’s winter in Wisconsin.
king me
When I come to a stop sign I love letting pedestrians pass by. I put my hand out and wave them through like I’m a king. I say “go forth”. I feel so powerful with a slight hand gesture. It’s one of those rare moments I feel more important than I am. I have so much authority. I could let them pass by peacefully or I could run them down with my car. It’s true. You can easily mow down people when you let them cross. It’s powerful to know. I’ll never do it though. That would be cold.
why ply
I made the mistake of buying 1 ply toilet paper. It’s my first regret of 2023. I initially bought it for my gf’s bathroom because she needed a roll. The plan backfired because she ended up buying her own 2 ply and gave me the 1 ply for my bathroom. Karma is a b*tch. Wiping with 1 ply is an art form. It takes talent. You have to be a skilled professional to achieve a quality wipe with 1 ply. I thought I could make 2 ply by putting 2 rolls of 1 ply together but it just makes more 1 ply. You need to be careful because if you break your 1 ply you’ll end up with a stinky pinky.
snowballing
I threw a snowball at my gf’s car while she was pulling out of the driveway to take the kids to school. It wasn’t a light hearted playful throw either. It was an aggressive I want to cause damage throw. It was vicious. I’ve been high strung lately so I added a little mustard to the throw. It made a nice pop when it hit the window. I sure hope the neighbors weren’t watching when I did this. They probably think I’m a maniac. It was full of malice. I probably looked like a psycho. It was all in good fun.
rolling rock
I haven’t had a drink in 3 years. My friend asked me when I’m going to drink next. I said when I hit rock bottom. He replied how do we get you to hit rock bottom. Good question. I think I need my gf to leave me to start drinking again. I think that’s the only way I start drinking again. So, if you want me to start drinking again put me on blast. Bring up all the crazy stuff I did when I was younger. Have her try to cancel me. If she leaves me I promise I will become a degenerate drunk. I will be back in downtown alleyways urinating on myself with the scum of Milwaukee. Let’s start rolling that rock to the bottom.
doogie howser moment
It’s good to feel important so do yourself a favor and don’t buy 1 ply. You matter. You can feel important by letting people use the crosswalk or you can wear an earpiece and buy corn dogs. Although I feel like if your wearing an ear piece and buying corn dogs then you’ve hit rock bottom. Maybe that’s when I’ll know I hit rock bottom. I think if I’m throwing snowballs at my gf’s car while all the kids are inside is nearing rock bottom. It’s a cold world. How do I know? My gf tells me everyday.