overheard in a conversation I was in
“call me…. call me… I got that fire… call me”– a guy yelling out his car window driving by me trying to sell me drugs while I was on the phone with my mom
my reaction: Sorry but I don’t have your phone number. How am I supposed to call you? I don’t know who are. While I do believe you have that “fire”, I’m currently not in the market. I have my own “fire” thank you very much.
Indeed I’m a Monster I use Craig’s List
I applied for my first job in 5 years. I found the position on Craigslist which should be a red flag. It was for Oxygen Delivery Tank Driver. The job entails delivering and setting up oxygen in people’s homes for those who have trouble breathing. I have yet to receive a call back, so I assume I didn’t get it. I understand not getting a call back for a job that’s posted on a reputable job search engine like Monster or Indeed, but Craigslist? If I can’t get a job on Craigslist then I don’t deserve a job. How many experienced job seekers are looking for there dream job on there? None, unless your a prospective porn star. I feel like people who try out for porn always get the job. If I couldn’t make it as a amateur porn star then that would be really sad. The porn industry doesn’t reject porn applicants. You don’t believe me, just look at the material out there.
slap on the wrist
During my first family road trip I got pulled over for speeding. Mind you this was within the first 15 minutes of our trip. I didn’t realize I was going that fast at the time. It’s hard to pay attention when you have 3 kids in the back of the car. I believe I was going 10 over when I saw the state trooper. That’s when I realized, “Crap… I’m busted”. Sure enough, the sirens went on and boom he got me. I pulled to the side and waited patiently. The kids were a little nervous but kept their composure. It wasn’t the first time I got pulled over with them in the car. The first time was last Christmas. Let’s just say I didn’t have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Anyways, he asked where I was going… where I’m from… you know the usual. He ended up giving me a warning. Phew… I was off the hook. He stated “my printer is broken so I’m just going to give you a slap on the wrist”. So without thinking, I kid you not, I put my wrist out to be slapped. He did not slap or acknowledge that I did such a thing. My girlfriend looked at me like, “what the f*ck are you doing”. If I was a cop I would’ve searched the car if someone ever did that to me. I was so thankful to not get a ticket. I mean I was driving with my shirt off with no shoes. Thank god I had a family as a scapegoat.
really good ‘bad financial advice’
I love buying penny stocks. I like to think I’m getting a good deal just because they are so cheap. I buy stocks on the Robinhood app. It allows for free trading which is cool because I love free. My motto is “buy low sell high”. No… literally I buy when I’m feeling low (down in the dumps) then sell high when “I’m high” like weed high not happy high. That’s my financial advice. Take it or leave it.
pandemic more like pandumbic
I always wished something bad would happen in the world so I wouldn’t have to make a decision. I want a natural disaster, zombie attack, or the apocalypse to make the decision for me. I wish an alien invasion would attack my place of work so I didn’t have to go there. I’m so passive aggressive. In stead of just taking initiative to make change in my life I wait on for a crisis to happen . Like I’d rather have my car totaled then sell my car to get a new one. I’d rather lose my house to a tornado than sell the old one. I want the world to end just so I don’t have to live with diarrhea. I just want things to fall in my lap in the most worst disastrous possible way.
remember when I cried in the bathtub
Remember when I found out my girlfriend in 8th grade was going to break up with me while I was secretly listening to my brother talk to one of his friends on the phone while I was in the bathtub. Then I cried. Yeah I remember that. This was in 1995 when everyone had a landline. When people had multiple house phones that were wireless which made listening into phone calls easy. I remember them saying “yeah I feel bad for Curt”. Thanks for feeling bad for me guys but that didn’t stop my girlfriend from breaking up with me. This is to the one that got away.
pulling back the curtains Kendall Gill
Gill was chosen in the 1990 NBA draft as the fifth overall pick by the Charlotte Hornets, and was named First Team All-Rookie and participated in the NBA Slam-Dunk Competition. In the 1991–92 season he averaged 20.5 points, 5.1 rebounds and 4.2 assists per game, while shooting 46.7% from the field. Probably should’ve been an All Star with those numbers. In his 15 seasons in the NBA, Gill played in 966 games for seven teams. A true journeyman who could adapt to new surroundings. On April 3, 1999, Gill recorded 11 steals in a game against the Miami Heat, he also recorded 15 points and 10 rebounds for a rare points-rebounds-steals triple-double. He has the NBA record for most steals in the game with 11. A whopping 11 steals! That’s work.
doogie howser moment
Just because you applied for a job on Craigslist and didn’t get it doesn’t mean your a failure. Life will give you second chances to right your wrongs just like the cop who pulled me over. Don’t take financial advice from me because I cried about my 8th grade girlfriend breaking up with me. Finally, don’t wait for a pandemic to make change in your life. Do it now. If you want to be an amateur porn star go for it!