the number of times my 6 year old said “d@mnt” during Christmas
4
my reaction: My 6 year old son swore three times during Christmas because he didn’t get the presents he wanted, then the fourth time he said it because he lost at a game that involved money. Money is the root of all evil.
I knock woodstock
I was telling someone that I took a day trip to Woodstock, a small town in Illinois, because I saw a billboard that stated “Woodstock: One of America’s Favorite Holiday Towns” while driving in downtown Milwaukee. The billboard made Woodstock seem like an enchanted village filled with glee and Yuletide. I didn’t get the Hallmark moment I envisioned. Instead it seemed like a place where a Lifetime movie begins. Their big claim to fame is that Groundhogs Day the movie was filmed there but I wouldn’t want to relive any part of my trip. I did read that Jessica Biel was born there which was good enough reason to go. Every town I go to I Wikipedia to see what notable people were born there. I was sold on Jessica Biel. I was hoping to meet Justin Timberlake. I would recommend Woodstock if you have a couple of hours to kill and have low standards.
not to be curt
My name is Curt and it’s also a adjective that means rude. Not many people use it as an adjective though. I don’t like it when people use my name to describe someone that is rude right in front of me. Just use the word rude instead of curt. It’s not that hard. You can use curt as a adjective just not around me. Don’t say, “I was at Walmart and the the cashier was was being curt with me.” Don’t say, “I don’t like myself because I’m so curt.” Don’t say “Curt is so curt”. I don’t want to be associated with a negative word.
x mas boner
I woke up Christmas morning with a boner which is great because it continues my Christmas boner streak to 10 years in a row. No, I don’t count my Christmas boners. You stop counting Christmas boners after so many years. I guess I had so much excitement to open presents. If you’re a dude you should get boners for Christmas. Something on your body should get happy. I guess I show my Christmas spirit differently. In general, you should get boners everyday. That’s a sure sign I’m not depressed. If you get boners for breakfast you’re not sad. Boners are healthy.
con dumbs
I love buying condoms in the self checkout lane at Target. I’m glad for that option because I was always scared to buy condoms from real human cashiers. I always thought the cashier never believed I was having intercourse. I’m sure they were thinking this guy doesn’t do it. I wonder what they think when people buy condoms? If I was a cashier I would think about the people who bought condoms and if they did it or not. What if you worked at condom store? A place that just sold condoms and you were a virgin. That would be fun and sad at the same time.
hab no
Someone asked me if I “Habla Espanol?” and I said, “no”. Right then and there are felt so dumb and uncultured. The person asking me thought I looked like I spoke Spanish and I didn’t. I must’ve broke her heart. It makes me want to learn a language. I want to be Bi. I want to be bilingual. I don’t want to feel dumb. I want to speak a language that people think I speak.
doogie howser moment
I kinda was all over the place in this blog. I talked about boners and condoms. I don’t know. I just really wanted to feel the Christmas spirit in Woodstock. I want to know another language. Not to be curt but d@mm’t I wish Woodstock was cooler.