worst quote ever
fake it til you make it
my reaction: What if I never ‘make’ it? What if I faked it my whole life and never made it. I’m just going to be real. I’m going to fake faking it until I make it.
all bottled up
If I ever became a thief I would target people who drink soda cans out of straws. I think they would be a weak prey. I would target anyone who drank out of straws especially grown men who have water bottles with straws in them. The water bottle trend has been ridiculous. It went from plastic to Nalgene to stainless steel and now water bottles with straws. Adults who are straw sippers are funny looking. It’s like they’re a baby on the nipple again. A very long nipple. A very awkward elongated nipple that hydrates them.
allmad joy
I’m finding joy in my neighbor who is a new dad because he is frustrated by his baby and dog. I find pleasure in every ounce of frustration he has while he is walking his barking dog. Every leash pull and baby cry his gritting his teeth makes me feel not alone. Welcome to the club my friend. I don’t have a dog because it would frustrate me too much. I don’t need another thing to yell at. I have 4 kids living in the house. I have a job. I have life to yell at. I don’t want to yell at another thing. I would never get a dog. I would get a lizard. You don’t yell at lizards. You don’t say ‘bad lizard’ for peeing on the carpet. Lizards stay in tanks (so should dogs).
scary things
I stopped watching the TV show Stranger Things after two episodes because it was too scary. I thought this show was supposed to be a fun 80s themed fantasy about a couple of kids, but I was wrong. I should have known by the title Stranger Things. It’s even in the title. Strange things will happen and they do. I don’t need to see strange things before I go to bed. I want nice peaceful things before I go to bed like watching my neighbor yell at his dog. I know it’s not peaceful but it sure is entertaining.
the meditator
I had the best meditation a few days ago. Usually, meditation doesn’t work for me but this time my meditation guy killed it. He worked wonders on me. He told me to breath, let go, and just relax. I believed him this time. It really worked. I was in a state of relaxation that I’ve never achieved all while at my desk at work. I want this meditation guy to move in with me so when I feel like yelling at something wrong in my house he can just walk in, cue relaxing music, and tell me to just let it go. I want this meditation guy to be wherever I go. I want to take him to work, grocery store, and even the playground. He can be my travelling meditation guide. I’ll even let him sleep in our bed. I would be calm 24/7.
hard yoga
I do Yoga on YouTube because it’s quick, easy, and free. I usually pick a girl instructor and not because I’m a pervert. I’m just scared of getting a boner from a guy Yoga instructor. I don’t to put myself in that situation. I don’t want to find out that the practice of Yoga turns me on. I’m scared that this sacred practice of Yoga might be my weird fetish. A lot of people have weird fetishes and I don’t want Yoga to be mine. Yoga helps me ease back pain, releases stress, and really opens up my hips. I don’t want it to open a fetish I knew I never had. I’m going to stick with doing Yoga with Cassandra and not a guy named Tim.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I will not fake it until I make it. I will just be the real deal. I will meditate when I’m stressed. I will practice Yoga when I’m feeling achy. I won’t fake enjoy a TV show just because someone said it’s good. I will continue to watch my neighbor get frustrated by his dog and baby. I will never fake liking what I like. Finally, my mouth is parched from keeping it real, I need a straw.