something people say during the new year
you got a clean slate
my reaction: Every year you get a clean slate. It doesn’t matter all the horrible stuff you did. You have a clean slate. It’s a new year. Just remember you can keep doing horrible things and then next year you get a clean slate.
condiment crust
I like condiments. They are a great addition to bland food. However, I don’t like using other people’s condiments. You ever go to someone’s house and grab a ketchup bottle and it’s always sticky? Did someone bathe it in syrup? Drop it in glue? Stick it in there butt? But the grossest part of a ketchup bottle is the crust around the opening. I can’t deal with ketchup crust. It’s not even red anymore. It’s brown. It’s a totally different color. The ketchup has fermented because you are not capable of wiping the tip. Just wipe the tip after each use. Here’s a tip: just wipe the tip.
ex mas
My gf immediately took down our Christmas tree the day after Christmas. The Christmas spirit couldn’t be gone any faster. I paid good money for that tree. I was hoping to have the tree last until January but not in our house. Christmas is gone. See you later. Bon Voyage. Nice knowing you Christmas. My Christmas spirit has been way down. Which begs the question…Can you have the Christmas Spirit after Christmas? No more being jolly. Back to the grind. The season of giving is gone. Going back to being a curmudgeon.
dream dad
I had a dream that my dad remarried and had a baby. In my dream my dad who is well in his 70s had a kid. He married a young blonde. They had a blonde daughter. It was weird having a sister who is blonde. All my siblings have black hair. I didn’t know my dad was still fertile. I thought he was shooting blanks all these years. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How did my dad have a kid? I’m not sure if he can even get it up. I bet he got invitro. I’m sure he did invitro to become a dad again in my dream.
tick tock boom
I feel like my teen stepdaughters live in a different universe. You know how Marvel and DC have a different universe where all the superheroes co-exist. I think my teen stepdaughters live in the Tik Tok Universe. They live in this realm of shorts and reels. Their living in a constant bombardment of viral trends. They use products they see on Tik Tok, buy clothes they see influencers wear, and even eat what they see Tik Tokkers eat. It’s a lifestyle I can’t relate too. They watch people socializing and having fun. If it’s not through a screen it’s not fun. We could go to Mount Rushmore but teens rather see it through a phone than real life. Tik Tok is a perfect name for that app. The clock goes tick tock until your soul is dead. Slowly just ticking away.
trash fridge
I’m sick of all the leftovers my family puts in the fridge that they knowingly aren’t going to eat. They know they aren’t going to eat a half-eaten hamburger, spoiled apples, or soggy French fries. No one likes eating something that you can see chew marks in. I can’t eat leftovers with bite marks in it even if it’s my bite marks. It’s almost like they use it as a garbage can. It’s easier to put in the fridge for me to throw away. You don’t have to wash a dish or scrape food out of a container then put dish in dishwasher. It’s a one step process. Our fridge is becoming a cold garbage can. I should just let the food rot in there and not throw it away but I’m working on becoming less passive aggressive.
doogie howser moment
In summary, I want to give everyone around me a clean slate but it’s hard. I just want a clean bottle of ketchup. I want zero leftovers in the fridge. I wish there was Tik Tok on throwing away leftovers. If my gf can throw away a tree, my stepdaughters can throw away some old fries. It’s 2025. In conclusion, everyone has a clean slate even if you’re 76 years old and knock someone up in your dreams.