something I’ve been repeating lately
i’m living my best life
my reaction: Whenever I say “I’m living my best life” I’m actually not. I’m being real sarcastic. I’m just trying to force optimism.
ice balls
If you’re a guy and you want a little thrill in the shower I suggest using a peppermint based body wash on your sack. It’s a cooling sensation you have never experienced before. It borderline burns the balls. It stings but it stings so good. It’s like dumping your balls into a tub of IcyHot. It’s hygienic S & M. After using it I had the mintiest of nuts. My balls no longer had bad breath. They were smelling like Wrigley’s. Get yourself a fragrant mint based bodywash. Fellas, mint those nuts up. You might thank me or you might not.
dry h’er
I don’t think I could be a porn star. Let alone a porn actor. I wouldn’t last that long. I would need a stunt double to do all the action scenes. I guess what I’m saying is I would have the shortest porn movie ever made. It would be seconds. I would never make it in the business. I’m glad I’m not in that industry. I would be the laughing stock of Hollywood. I wouldn’t put the ‘wood’ in Hollywood. The only way I could make it as a porn star is if the movie was PG. All the scenes would have to involve me ‘dry humping’. If that’s possible then I could be the dry humper of Hollywood.
elder cream
I don’t think kids should have ice cream. Kids have been spoon fed ice cream since they were 2 years old. I’m 43. I’ve been eating ice cream for over 40 years. That’s a long time. It’s almost half a century. Ice cream should be only for adults after 60. They deserve it. They worked hard their entire life, had a family, and endured many wars. They’ve seen a lot. They should be the only population that gets to enjoy ice cream. Everyone under that age would work hard and try to live longer so they can enjoy ice cream like the elderly.
air fried
My 17 year old step daughter is OCD. She will unplug the lamps, toaster, and air fryer at night. She is not full on OCD because she hasn’t unplugged the oven or fridge yet. She hasn’t turned the breaker off to our house. I guess unplugging a few electronics at night does save us money. It probably saves a few cents. It’s a little extreme though. I’m not sure the toaster is going to have a mind of it’s own and turn on. It’s not an AI Toaster. The toaster is not trying to burn our house down. We are pretty good to our toaster. Our toaster shouldn’t have any ill will towards our family. I also don’t think a plugged in Air Fryer will burn down our house. It would be sad if our house burned down because of an Air Fryer. Technically our house wasn’t burnt to the ground, it was ‘air fried’.
passages
How do people remember Bible passages? I don’t understand how some people remember their favorite bible passages. They will say “my favorite bible passage is from ‘The Book of Mark…Chapter 3…Verse 4-6.’ How do you know the chapter and verse it is? That’s a lot. Just say my favorite bible passage is from the Book of Luke. I don’t need the chapter or verse. That’s too specific. It blows my mind. I can’t remember the instructions on how to cook Mac N Cheese and I’ve been doing that for over 30 years. I should know by now but I still look at the 3 easy steps on how to boil water, add pasta, and then mix in powder, butter, and milk. I need to read those instructions everytime.
doogie howser moment
Don’t worry I will not be a porn star. The industry does not want me or my minty nuts. I’m a family man. I don’t want to screw that up. I need to make my kids Mac N Cheese. I need to read them the bible. I need to plug in all my appliances in the morning. In summary, I don’t want to ban ice cream but kids might live their best life if the know they can’t get it until 60.