overheard a long time ago
“Hey Coach… F*ck you!”- 5th grader to me when I kicked him out of soccer practice for punching another player
my reaction: I had every right to kick this kid out of practice, he punched a kid. He told me to F off right before he got in his mother’s car. I’m sure his mom had to hear him say it. I mean the whole team heard him. He screamed it from a distance. Anyone in the general vicinity heard him. I should have kicked him off the team indefinitely, but I didn’t. This kid was a hot head but he was also my best player. I allowed him to play the next week after he made an apology.
spider man
Anytime I can be a ‘man’ with little to no effort I jump on the opportunity. While I was on break at work in the parking lot, a lady asked if I could help her while she was at her car. I said, “sure what’s going on?” She asked me if I could kill a spider that was in her car. I obliged. She was frightened…borderline freaking out. I thought it was going to be a huge spider but it was just a small little guy. She gave me a wad of paper towels and I easily brushed it off her car door. It fell to the ground and scurried away. Everyone was safe. She thanked me. I felt like an exterminator for that brief moment. It’s strange because I never met that lady before. I’ve never seen that lady after. Now I’m not sure if that lady ever existed.
taking the plunge
I plunged a toilet at a bar. Your probably thinking “and your point is?”. I plunged a dive bar MENS bathroom toilet. Most guys would just take a crap in the clogged toilet and leave. I can’t. I’m a humanitarian. I act in good faith. Actually, I just wanted to poop in a poop free toilet. I can’t poop in poop. I plunged the mess out of that toilet. It was disgusting. I like how the bar had a plunger just in case. I wonder how many patrons have used it. I believe a lot, which makes me think of the food they serve. If a bar has a plunger next to toilet, don’t eat there.
leap of faith
We signed our 3 year old son for a gymnastics class at the YMCA called Lil Leapers. I arrived the first day a few minutes late and noticed that he was the only boy. All the other participants were girls dressed in leotards. I was immediately embarrassed as the father of the only boy in class. I thought we signed him up for a ballet class. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed as the parent of the only boy but I was. If the girls weren’t dressed in leotards I probably wouldn’t have cared as much. I just think that all the other parents think I’m a wuss dad. I should be more like my son and not give a f*ck.
ya playin yourself
My mom was telling me how when she was watching my son that he was playing with himself. She went on saying it was okay for him to do that as long as he does it when he is alone. I wish I knew that when I was younger. I wish my mom gave me that advice when I was a child. “Hey Curt… just to let you know… it’s okay for you to play with yourself as long as your alone”. It makes sense though. It’s actually great advice. Play with yourself alone just not around others.
cry me a ocean
My gf said she cried during a kids movie because she was ovulating. Well I must be ovulating my whole life because I always cry during movies. I told her welcome to the cry club. Crying is fun. It’s one of the best releases out there. You don’t need expensive therapy, yoga, medicine, or meditation… you just need to cry. Cry when you wake up, cry when your in the car, and most of all cry yourself to sleep.
pulling back the curtains
Hilton Armstrong was selected in the first round of the 2006 draft by the New Orleans Hornets with the 12th overall pick. There’s not much to say about this guy other than I think he is the only player to wear number 57 in the NBA. I would think more players would wear 57 after the ketchup company Heinz 57 varieties. I guess not. That would be a good nickname for someone with a lot of variety. Hilton was not the best player in the league but did play in 70 games in the 2008 season averaging 4.8 ppg and 2.8 rbg per game. He wasn’t the “Hilton” of basketball players…he was the “Motel 6”. Not the best but got the job done.
doogie howser moment
I love living in this era where the idea of masculinity has changed. For centuries, the idea of the man has been strong, mighty, and powerful. These days I can unclog a toilet, take my son to a ballet class, and help a lady get a spider out of a car and feel like Thor. I talk a big game. In the end…if you cry….like cry like a little b*tch… your the manliest man I know.