a ghostly tale
I don’t like ghosts… especially ghosts that smell… because they have B.O.O.
daddy dump care
Every time I watch my baby daughter alone and have to poop I have take her into the bathroom with me. It’s out of necessity but mostly it’s out of safety. I don’t want her to be alone. She can’t watch herself. To me it’s bonding. To her it’s probably traumatizing. She’ll either grow up scared not to poop or have daddy issues or both.
24 hour loads
There is a 24 hour laundry mat near me. Who is doing laundry in the middle of the night? I’ve never woke up at at 3am and been like, “I have to clean my pants I spilled jelly on them!!!” Only serial killers and psychos use the laundry mat that late.
g.o.a.t
Recently I bought a pound of ground goat meat. I decided to make goat tacos. I ended up eating the whole pound of goat meat by dividing into 3 tacos. That’s a lot of goat to taco ratio. If you’re going to eat a meat you don’t eat often, take it easy and don’t eat a pound, it might not sit right.
step drug
I’m making predictions on what drugs my step kids will do. Let’s just say I have a lot of time on my mind. One is a introvert and will smoke pot. She won’t care if it’s indica or sativa. She’ll just smoke pot. The other one is a extrovert and will be a drunk. I don’t think she’ll drink beer or liquor. She’ll be sophisticated and drink wine, so I guess that’s okay.
memory mattress
I sleep on a memory foam mattress. It’s great. It’s very comfortable. The only downside is that it has a memory. I don’t want my mattress to remember the things I do. I don’t want my mattress to remember when I last pleasured myself, what I fantasize about, or the conversations I have with my gf. If you heard the pettiness of my arguments I would be very embarrassed. I once got irritated that my girlfriend put sour cream on a taco. I didn’t want her to sour cream her taco because it didn’t go with it. Anyways, I just want it to forget. I want a dementia mattress.
2 minute warning
My electric toothbrush shuts off after 2 minutes of being on. Can it stay on longer? My teeth are faint yellow, I got a little tooth decay, and recently I got cavities. It looks like I drink coffee 24/7. Maybe it should shut off after 4 minutes so I would have better looking teeth or I could just turn it back on.
2 cents
I like to go on Venmo and give my friends a couple of pennies, just so I can say I gave my 2 cents. I know I shouldn’t. They never want it but I do it anyway.
ugg lee
I knew a ugly couple in High School that had a lot of sex. Ugly people know how to have sex. They always talked about the ugly sex they had. They never said they had ugly sex, they just did it, which was ugly to me. Man I wish I was ugly and found an ugly girl in High School. We would have the ugliest sex and the ugliest kids. I could be an ugly teen dad. Ugly people have amazing sex because they never know if they’ll have sex again because there so ugly that no one will ever want to do them again.
doogie howser moment
I want to be the G.O.A.T so that’s the reason I ate the the pound of goat because you are what you eat. Why do you think I needed to brush my teeth for more than 4 minutes, I needed to get the goat out. Also, if any goat gets on your clothes you can just go to the 24 hour laundry mat. 24 hour laundry mats were made for goat eating related incidents. After eating the goat, I should’ve kept the goat in my teeth because then I’d be a certified ugly person. Ugly people usually have food in there mouth but have good ugly sex. If I was ugly I wouldn’t want my mattress to remember that. I would make my mattress forget. I know this is not Venmo but that’s my 2 cents for the week. BOO!