ponder this
If a hot dog is cold is it still a hot dog?
house thoughts
I love leaving the house. It’s mandatory that I leave the house because if I don’t I start to act crazy. I don’t like being at the house because I’m too comfortable. Only crazy people are comfortable. Being home allows me to be weird with all my thoughts and honestly that gets very tiresome. I need to get out of the house so I can act normal and be conditioned by society. If I get out the house I see other people acting normal and that makes me normal. I see other people behaving like they should like standing in line, obeying signs, and showing common courtesy. At the house, it’s anything goes. You can do anything. Walk around naked, yell obscenities at the TV, and watch the creepiest things on the internet. It’s not healthy for me to be home with all my strange thoughts all day, that’s the only reason why I leave the house. Not to get away from my family or have ‘me’ time, it’s just to reset me and make me feel normal.
solo slumbering
I’ve been sick for the past week. I’ve been sleeping in the living room for 7 days straight because I’ve been coughing and I don’t want to wake up my gf. I’ve gotten used to sleeping in the living room. It’s like having a sleep over and no one is invited. It’s a one man slumber party. I even put a mattress in there. It’s like my little bachelor pad. I don’t know if I want to return to my bedroom. I like living the life of a guy who made a makeshift studio apartment in the living room. I plan to cough for the next month every night just so I can continue to sleep in the living room.
be by me
I’m not sure why people in relationships want to be by each other all the time? If you’re married you have your whole life to spend time with that person. Why do partners get mad if that other person does something once a week for 1 hour? I heard the key to a relationship is to have your own life and spend time apart. In other words the key to a relationship is to avoid the other person. I try to avoid my partner a lot. I do that so we can have a healthy committed relationship. I haven’t seen her in weeks and we are doing great. If I see her in the kitchen I will duck out and try to avoid contact. If I know she is using the bathroom in the morning I will sneak out the house to work. At night I will race to bed and close my eyes before we say ‘goodnight’ so I don’t have to see her. It’s doing wonders for our relationship.
chef spot
I was walked through the pet aisle at Meijer’s the other day. I don’t own a pet but I do love the smell of dog food. I don’t know why. My mouth salivates just looking at the dog treats. Can you blame me? Have you seen the treats these dogs eat? They eat like kings. They have pizza flavored, burger flavored, hot dog minis, and even filet mignon flavored treats. I don’t even eat Filet Mignon yet there are dumb little dogs eating steak every day. Dogs are eating better than me. Dogs lick there nuts. They don’t need steak flavored food. Dogs will even eat there crap and here companies are making gourmet goodies. They lick there buttholes half the day. They should start making butt flavored treats. Dogs don’t know the difference.
tummy actor
I want to be an ‘actor’ in a commercial for IBS medicine. I wouldn’t even have to be a actor. I would just show up after I ate a meal and everyone can see how disgruntled I am from eating cheese. These commercials always show a good looking women on her way to the car holding her stomach like it’s going to ruin her day. I don’t know lady maybe skip the doughnut for breakfast? I could easily portray a person with IBS issues. I don’t even have to act. It would be the most realistic commercial ever. It would be a documentary in a form of a commercial. I eat cheese then I get a stomach ache so I take a pill and I’m better. The end. Everyone is happy.
doogie howser moment
I guess this blog is all about leaving the house. It’s about getting away from myself. It’s an escape from my family and myself. I’m aware of that but it will make my relationship last longer so it’s healthy. I can go out and smell chef made dog food. It’s not strange. The people who made it are strange. It’s my aromatherapy. But most of all I leave the house so I can feel normal. It’s good to feel normal.