my weekly unprovoked rant
I hate when my gf shops at Costco. No one needs to buy in bulk nowadays. They needed Costco in the 1800s when families were 12 deep and you had to feed the kids to keep the farm running. Families are smaller now and kids do less. They don’t need snacks. We don’t need large bags of snacks because then it no longer becomes a snack. It’s gluttony. A pound of pretzels becomes a meal. That’s no longer a snack. We have an extreme size bag of oatmeal, an economy size bag of popcorn, and 4 loaves of bread. The fridge and pantry are full and we only have 3 things to eat.
mad jv
My step daughter plays High School basketball for the JV team. She gets mad after each game she loses. As parents we always say, “stay positive” but how can she? She lost by 40 points one game. They’ve lost the last 4 games by an average of 20 points. How do you stay positive after that? Nothing good comes out of staying positive after losing. If you’re positive after you lose then you don’t care. I’m going to tell her to get mad, you should be, I would be depressed if my team lost like that every week too. I would have my psychiatrist prescribe me antidepressants if I played on her team. I’d take Zoloft right before I played so by time we were down 20 points it wouldn’t matter. I’d be smiling as were down 30.
dust confetti
I feel gross throughout the day even though I shower daily. I think it’s dust. I hate seeing dust. The worst thing about the sun is the light it shines on dust. The beam of light shining through your window that showcases all of the dust particles. It floats around like confetti at a New Years Eve party. It’s just hanging out. I don’t like seeing dust. It grosses me out. If dust is on the shelves, the walls, and your TV, it’s probably on you too. Dust is made up of dead skin which makes matters worse. I live with 5 other people. I don’t want their dead skin on me. I have all this dead on me it’s ewe.
rain bums
People will make it rain at the strip club but won’t give homeless people spare change. People will just splash dollar bills at the club for strippers. They will blow hundreds of dollars on naked humans. We need to make it rain for good causes like cancer research, food hunger, or education, not for some tiddies. If we’re going to make it rain on dancers, let’s make it rain on homeless people. If I found out that people were making it rain on bums, I’d be out there dancing on the corner. I’d be stripping my dirty clothes off. I’d make good money as a bum. I’d be the richest bum out there. I’d be the first homeless guy with a house.
seize the day
I wake up every morning thinking “what am I going to do with my life?”. It’s a pretty loaded question for someone who just woke up. I’m dead tired, groggy, and barely know my name. No wonder I’m riddled with stress when I wake up. I put too much pressure on myself. I shouldn’t think “what am I going to do with my life” but “what am I going to do today?”. I have all my life to figure out what I’m going to do with my life. But if I have any goal in life it should be to not ruin my gf’s day. My goal in life is not annoying my gf. If I can do that I know I’ve lived a successful life.
doctor am
Every morning my gf wakes up she is diagnosing our kids with new diseases. I can’t even get a yawn in before she is telling me how our daughter has pink eye because her eyes are watery. I don’t even open my eyes from my slumber yet and she says our son has an ear infection because he has ear wax. I feel like I’m in the TV show ER. She should be a Doctor the way she is diagnosing our family. I’m sleeping next to Dr. Quinn the Medicine Woman (early 90s reference). All I want to do is wake up with a few breaths before she tells me our whole family is terminally ill with the plague.
doogie howser moment
In summary, let people have angry emotions if it’s warranted. If you lose a basketball game by 20 be mad. If you see dust in your house be grossed out. If your gf is diagnosing everyone in the house let it be. Be true to yourself. If you don’t know what you want to be in life be stressed. These are all cues that your emotions are telling you to change. So you ask me, what am I going to do with my life? I’m going to be bum that strips.