# 200 “necessary mess”

what other parents say in front of me because they think i do drugs

I wish I had an edible right now

my reaction: I’ve noticed that when I’m talking to other parents at my son’s school they will always hint that they do edibles in front of me. It’s happened on several occasions. There must be something about me that says stoner. It could be the long hair, beard, or the fact that I’m always spacing out. They make it seem like they are doing something real devious too. We will be in a middle of a conversation and they’ll slip in “My day has been so tiring…ugh… I wish I had an edible.”

deep issue massage

I don’t like couples massages even though I’ve never done one. I guess I can’t comment on something I’ve never done but I’m going to anyways. If I’m going to get a massage I’m going to want to do it alone. I think I would be annoyed by my partner being in the room. I would want to be alone. It would be way more therapeutic for me if she wasn’t in the room. More importantly I don’t want her to see my hard on. I wouldn’t want her to get jealous. To my defense, it’s a therapuetic boner, not a sexual boner.

silence of the am

I think people are scared to be with themselves in silence. We distract ourselves so we are never alone with ourselves. We distract ourselves through reading, watching TV, social media, sports, and so on. The list is endless. I’m scared to be by myself in silence. I don’t like being bored. I like doing stuff. I need a distraction from my mind that’s why I love hiccups. I love getting the hiccups. It breaks up the monotomy of my own boring self. A hiccup is so surprising. It comes out of nowhere. It’s a jolt. It’s a rush. It comforts the silence of the mundane.

magic mess

My gf does not like to be bored. I don’t remember when the last time she said she was bored. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say she’s bored. She will make a mess out of a clean house just so she isn’t bored. If she feels boredom coming on she will mess up the house just so she can clean it. For example, when I go to bed our room is perfectly clean, the bed is made, and everything is organized, but when I wake up it’s a disaster. I’ll wake up to a pile of clothes on her side of the bed. I’ll have no idea how they got there. Did we just accept a Goodwill donation of used clothes in the middle of the night? There is stuff scattered all over the floor like we just survived a home invasion. She’s a magician of mess. She magically makes messes.

floored

I like to clean. It’s instant gratification. It’s the only thing we can control in our adult lives. Cleaning is therapuetic. Everytime I clean something I have to mention that I just cleaned something. I think everyone is guilty of that. If I just mopped the floors I will have to state “I just mopped the floors” if one crumb got on the kitchen floor. A speck of dust could hit the floor and I will cry out in tears “I just washed the floor”. We only say that right after we cleaned something. We will never say we cleaned something if it’s been a few hours or if it’s the next day. You can’t say, “I just cleaned the floors last week. COME ON!!!”

professional exhaustion

I’m usually exhausted at the end of the day because I have to be ‘professional’ at my job. I spend so much time trying to be professional that my brain hurts at the end of the day. It’s tough being normal. It’s tough using real sentences and not talking in fragments. It’s a challenge to make sense all the time. I’m sick of writing emails that have to be punctuated correctly. I’m sick of having to fake smile and nod my head in agreement. Being professional makes my brain hurt. It’s way easier being unprofessional because then I could fart, pick my nose, and show up in underwear at work.

doogie howser moment

Life is exhausting but also very fun. I’d rather be tired at the end of the day than awake at night. I don’t like to be bored so I guess being professional is not that bad because it keeps me busy. I love hiccups because they keep me thinking about things that annoy me like couples massages. I like to clean the unnecessary messes my gf will make because at the end of the day I know I can relax like a cool parent and do a edible.