something people say during the new year you got a clean slate my reaction: Every year you get a clean slate. It doesn’t matter all the horrible stuff you did. You have a clean slate. It’s a new year. Just remember you can keep doing horrible things and then next year you get a clean […]
something I like doing flossing my teeth my reaction: I was recently on vacation, and I forgot my floss. I didn’t floss for two days. I felt like my teeth were just collecting tartar like how books collect dust at a library. You don’t realize how gross your teeth are until you floss. If you
# 248 “happy floss” Read More »
something I said at a cookie decorating party i hope this doesn’t turn into a diddy party my reaction: Some people laughed but the second grade teacher near me didn’t. I don’t know why she was offended. She was well over her 40s. No one would touch her at a Diddy party. Also, I said,
something I changed the meaning of DTF my reaction: I’m DTF. I am. Don’t judge me. I guess all parents are DTF. If I’m not DTF then I’m a deadbeat. I don’t want to be a deadbeat. If you have kids you have to be DTF. I’m Down To Family. proud flipper I’m a proud
something I shouldn’t be ashamed of but I am being the first person at the library when it opened my reaction: I didn’t realize it when I walked in the library at 10:00 am but I was the first one to get there. I felt like a nerd with no life. The librarians probably all
# 245 “playground ceo” Read More »
something my two year old keeps doing to me poking my nipple and laughing my reaction: One night my two-year-old kept poking my nipple and laughing. I’m not sure what prompted her to do this. She is already body shaming me. She is a body shamer. She is a real life troll. She is making
something i do when i get mad at my gf take a dump in her toilet my reaction: I have the luxury of having my own bathroom but if my gf makes me mad (about something I shouldn’t be mad about) then it’s on. I like to drop a big fat one in her bathroom
something I want to buy a blowup doll my reaction: I’m not going to have s*x with it. I want a blowup doll to cuddle with. I share a king size bed with my gf so I don’t even realize she is in bed sometimes. I would even tape up all the holes in the
# 242 “blow it up” Read More »
something I want to buy a blowup doll my reaction: I’m not going to have s*x with it. I want a blowup doll to cuddle with. I share a king size bed with my gf so I don’t even realize she is in bed sometimes. I would even tape up all the holes in the
# 242 “blow it up” Read More »
the first thing my two-year-old daughter says when she wakes up I want elmo my reaction: You don’t want mom or dad? The ones that keep you alive. You want one of the most annoying characters on Sesame Street. It’s 5:00 am. You need breakfast. Not a puppet who likes to be tickled and talks
# 241 “elmo nightmare” Read More »
