something my two year old keeps doing to me poking my nipple and laughing my reaction: One night my two-year-old kept poking my nipple and laughing. I’m not sure what prompted her to do this. She is already body shaming me. She is a body shamer. She is a real life troll. She is making […]
something i do when i get mad at my gf take a dump in her toilet my reaction: I have the luxury of having my own bathroom but if my gf makes me mad (about something I shouldn’t be mad about) then it’s on. I like to drop a big fat one in her bathroom
something I want to buy a blowup doll my reaction: I’m not going to have s*x with it. I want a blowup doll to cuddle with. I share a king size bed with my gf so I don’t even realize she is in bed sometimes. I would even tape up all the holes in the
# 242 “blow it up” Read More »
something I want to buy a blowup doll my reaction: I’m not going to have s*x with it. I want a blowup doll to cuddle with. I share a king size bed with my gf so I don’t even realize she is in bed sometimes. I would even tape up all the holes in the
# 242 “blow it up” Read More »
the first thing my two-year-old daughter says when she wakes up I want elmo my reaction: You don’t want mom or dad? The ones that keep you alive. You want one of the most annoying characters on Sesame Street. It’s 5:00 am. You need breakfast. Not a puppet who likes to be tickled and talks
# 241 “elmo nightmare” Read More »
something i told other parents while at the school playground the meaning of a whiskey pig my reaction: I told a few other dads the meaning of ‘whiskey pig’. I have a habit of bringing up topics that aren’t small talk. Small talk is boring. I had wondered if they used the term whiskey pig
# 240 “inflated pigs” Read More »
something i say to my gf after I wake up after her oh… you’re up? my reaction: I say, “oh… you’re up?” after she has clearly been up for the last hour while I’ve been in bed. She already has made the kid’s lunches for the day, worked from home, and worried about life as
something i say before my gf leaves for work my life is harder than yours my reaction: I’m finding new ways to annoy my gf. I like to play the victim card. Who doesn’t? It’s the era of victimization. I just say asinine things to see if she is just as petty as me. She
# 238 “wanna be hard” Read More »
something I’m too old to do sneak into an apple picking orchard my reaction: I snuck into an Apple orchard with my son and daughter. This wasn’t a big scheme where we dressed in black, hopped a fence, and stole apples at night. In reality, we went to an apple orchard during the day and
# 237 “apple regrets” Read More »
something people don’t experience nowadays getting lost my reaction: When’s the last time you’ve been lost? There is no way you can be lost anymore if you have a smartphone. I don’t have a smartphone. I got lost going to a bar that was 20 minutes away from house. There was a total of three
