intro When my gf uses the bathroom I set the oven timer because I know she is “cooking up something”. skits The state of California is trying to ban the sale of Skittles because it may cause cancer. How much Skittles do you have to eat to get cancer? Who is shoving Skittles down there […]
# 157 “wrong side of bed” Read More »
a thing I don’t like that happens to me every day I don’t like when I’m at a stop light and car pulls up right next to me. my reaction: I always think the car next to me is looking at me. I think they are making fun of me like “look at the at
# 156 “online looking” Read More »
intro I want to live life to the fullest before I really have to live life to the fullest when my Doctor tells me I have one week to live my reaction: There’s always a movie where someone goes through the motions in life and then finds out he is going to die so he
# 153 “air freshener” Read More »
a moment of self reflection My arm pits smell like pepperoni. my reaction: It smells like Pizza Hut. I get hungry smelling my armpits. I just hope my other body parts don’t start smelling like food. I’m glad I don’t have nipples that smell like brussel sprouts. I pray to God my crotch doesn’t smell
#151 “smell the change” Read More »
my weekly observation I was in line at the grocery store and there was a guy with a earpiece in buying corn dogs. cold announcement My gf is great at telling our kids how cold it’s going to be for the day. Every day she has to tell everyone how cold it is. We all
# 149 “cold world” Read More »
a time to reflect If you take a poop right before you shower, do you wash your hands in the sink before you shower or do you go straight to the shower without washing your hands? my reaction: I immediately wash my hands after I poop before I get in the shower. You should too.
# 145 “take flight” Read More »
intro You know how am I doing good in life? I saw a quarter on the ground and walked right by without picking it up. my reaction: Years ago I would’ve picked that quarter up but now I’m financially stable. I looked George Washington right in the eye and said, “not today”. You may have
# 144 “keep the flame” Read More »
my weekly unprovoked rant I hate when my gf shops at Costco. No one needs to buy in bulk nowadays. They needed Costco in the 1800s when families were 12 deep and you had to feed the kids to keep the farm running. Families are smaller now and kids do less. They don’t need snacks.
# 141 “bum strips” Read More »
the stuffed son My son was constipated the other day so I asked him how his butt was after we gave him a suppository and he said, “super good”. the last x mas tree I bought a Christmas Tree for the first time with my own money. Usually, I rely on my gf (the breadwinner)
# 140 “the last tree” Read More »
ponder this If a hot dog is cold is it still a hot dog? house thoughts I love leaving the house. It’s mandatory that I leave the house because if I don’t I start to act crazy. I don’t like being at the house because I’m too comfortable. Only crazy people are comfortable. Being home
# 139 “escape room” Read More »
