I ponder What would people do without frozen pizza? my reaction: Starve. the catapult I like to reminisce about the good ol days. The days when I had freedom. One such memory was during 2002 Spring Break. I remember counting my boners on a road trip to Florida with my college buddies. I tallied every […]
# 133 “alternative lifestyle ” Read More »
a ghostly tale I don’t like ghosts… especially ghosts that smell… because they have B.O.O. daddy dump care Every time I watch my baby daughter alone and have to poop I have take her into the bathroom with me. It’s out of necessity but mostly it’s out of safety. I don’t want her to be
intro There is an old saying that goes “you are what you eat”. I also believe “you are what you drink” because I have a “Busch”. g bar There’s a bar in the Whole Foods I shop at. I don’t like grocery bars. I don’t want to see shoppers drink. Get a life. Go home.
question Who’d be the better Doctor? Dr Dre or Dr. Peeper? answer: Dr. Dre by a long shot. He makes beats that make people happy. Dr. Pepper causes diabetes. Also, Dr. Pepper is a drink and drinks don’t make good Doctors. How did the medical community allow a soda company to name a sugary drink
# 130 “single dad” Read More »
the strict stoner dad You can’t be a stoner and a strict dad. How are you going to reprimand your kid? “Hey son… I’m upset you didn’t listen at school today….go to your room! But first let’s get dominoes. I have the munchies.” banana runt My penis looks like if a minion had a penis.
I ponder Why do dishes that go in a dishwasher come out dirty but when you hand wash them for 10 seconds their clean? wuss dad I feel like such a wuss dad when I walk past a contractor working on a house as I’m pushing a baby stroller. These contractor guys are carrying large
off the record I have a friend who is going to London. He told me he is practicing his London accent by saying, “ Cheerios”. What he really means is “Cheerio” which is a farewell people use in England or at least used to. That’s like if I went to Texas and acted like Yosemite
the beautiful what? I saw a book in one of those little free libraries called The Beautiful Nebraska. I thought it was fiction but it was not. my reaction: Nebraska is beautiful? I never used the word beautiful to describe Nebraska. I think boring, lame, but not beautiful. I’ve also never been there so I
wrong sound effects I like to eat steak and go ‘ahh’ and drink water and go ‘yum’. salt life Our house is full of Himalayan sea salt lamps. We have so many it’s like we’re living in a salt mine. I thought Doctors recommend that you eat a diet low in sodium? I don’t get
# 125 “empty stroller” Read More »
quick zinger You know how Target has cemented red balls in front of its store. Wal Mart should do the same thing but instead of red balls they would have blue balls then they’ll be like me. home creepot I went to use the bathroom at Home Depot and saw something peculiar. I saw a
