something I want to buy a blowup doll my reaction: I’m not going to have s*x with it. I want a blowup doll to cuddle with. I share a king size bed with my gf so I don’t even realize she is in bed sometimes. I would even tape up all the holes in the […]
# 242 “blow it up” Read More »
the first thing my two-year-old daughter says when she wakes up I want elmo my reaction: You don’t want mom or dad? The ones that keep you alive. You want one of the most annoying characters on Sesame Street. It’s 5:00 am. You need breakfast. Not a puppet who likes to be tickled and talks
# 241 “elmo nightmare” Read More »
something i say to my gf after I wake up after her oh… you’re up? my reaction: I say, “oh… you’re up?” after she has clearly been up for the last hour while I’ve been in bed. She already has made the kid’s lunches for the day, worked from home, and worried about life as
something i say before my gf leaves for work my life is harder than yours my reaction: I’m finding new ways to annoy my gf. I like to play the victim card. Who doesn’t? It’s the era of victimization. I just say asinine things to see if she is just as petty as me. She
# 238 “wanna be hard” Read More »
something I’m too old to do sneak into an apple picking orchard my reaction: I snuck into an Apple orchard with my son and daughter. This wasn’t a big scheme where we dressed in black, hopped a fence, and stole apples at night. In reality, we went to an apple orchard during the day and
# 237 “apple regrets” Read More »
something I’ve been doing lately reading self-help books on the toilet my reaction: It’s great. I can work on myself while on the toilet. It’s a win win. It’s very efficient. I’ve been eating a poor diet just so I can work on my mind, body, and spirit. My gut is in trouble but my
# 235 “porcelain help” Read More »
a couple costume idea I have for Halloween Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin my reaction: Some people in relationships like to do silly couple costume ideas for Halloween like mustard/ketchup, plug/socket, and Barbie/Ken. I want to switch it up. I want my gf to go as Michael Jackson, me as Macaulay Culkin, and then we
# 234 “my pumpkin” Read More »
something i wish for summer to be over my reaction: I want summer to be over. It sounds like a strange wish but I do. I’m sick of the nice weather. I want it to be cold. I want extreme weather. I want thunderstorms, snow, or even a tornado. Give me something new Mother Nature.
something i’ve been saying a lot free the nipple my reaction: Lately, I’ve been asking my gf to free the nipple. I’ve asked her several times throughout the week to ‘free the nipple’. However, she has not freed the nipple. Her nipple is still in captivity. She needs to be free from societal norms, our
a new term I call people room temperature my reaction: I call people room temperature if they complain a lot. These people are only okay if everything is at room temperature. They only feel good when everything is perfect. The thing is it will never be room temperature. I’m room temperature. fermented dew My gf
